It’s a problem every woman faces at some point in her life. She going along just fine, wearing heels while cleaning and making sandwiches for random men who pass through her life when she meets him. The guy. ~The one.~ Their eyes meet from across the crowded-but-not-painfully-crowded bar and he comes up to her, smelling like aftershave and desire. He offers to buy her some mozzarella sticks and asked if they could go back to his apartment (1000+ square feet, downtown view, penthouse) and watch her favorite movie. So she goes. They kiss. And by kiss I mean kiss. One of those life-changing kisses that shake you to your GD core. And just as they’re getting ready to make sweet, passionate love, she hesitates.
Her hand just brushed against his penis. His huge, giant, throbbing penis. One look at it and she realized: this penis would kill her. Like, actually kill her.
So she got her bag, said a tearful goodbye, and left the perfect man with the way-too-big dick.
You know, that whole situation. It’s the worst. You find this great guy only to be disappointed when his penis is just *too* big. Luckily Target’s trashier, uglier, and more embarrassing sister has the solution: a men’s shirt that warns potential partners that he’s got a big ole dick.
The shirt was made by Hollywood Thread and sold on the Walmart website along with a few other gems such as “I love breastfeeding,” “I’d rather be snorting cocaine off of a hooker’s ass,” and “I got 99 donuts ’cause a bitch ate one” (which is actually a little bit funny). Still, I fuck you not, these were being sold online because, Walmart.
Once Mashable found these and called the chain out, they immediately apologized and removed them from their site but still. The fact that these were even being sold is just too good. To be honest, I wish they didn’t take these down. Find a guy with one of these shirts and you wouldn’t have to waste any time, energy, or money on him. You’d know from the start to move on and never, ever, ever try to steal a shack shirt from him.
I can’t help but fear that since they’re gone, a lot of women are going to risk death by going home with a guy who has too big of a penis. That shit is on you, Walmart. That’s on you..
[via Mashable, h/t Elite Daily]
Image via Niloo / Shutterstock.com
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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