These goddamn clowns, man. They’re fucking up everything, including the chance for Drake University’s Kappa Kappa Gamma and Kappa Alpha Theta to meet Drake. Like, the rapper Drake. He was hanging around the sorority houses in the wee hours of this morning, probably trying to catch some sorority poon, but y’all were either dead asleep or too terrified from these rumored clowns to fuck with a nighttime visitor.
Boo, you whores. I would have major FOMO right now, had any of you bitches actually met Drake. This is why I believe there needs to be an exec position that consists of a 24/7 night guard to warn the rest of the house of celebrity guests. I’ve been pushing for this shit ever since Aaron Carter visited my campus and set up shop at the sorority house across the street, which was a big mistake, if you ask me.
Drake apparently rang the bell a good 10 times, which probably woke up a few girls, who are most likely kicking themselves right now. Oh well. Try bringing a foghorn next time, champagne papi. Or maybe disguise yourself as a pizza man? We sorority women are entirely too versed in the antics of drunk fraternity men to answer the door past 2 o’clock. .
[via Channel 13 News]
Image via Instagram
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Lucky Jo
Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.
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