1. The Mirror Is Your BFF
You can spend HOURS in front of the mirror just mesmerized by your fabulousness. You’ll leave the party just to go check your appearance in a bathroom. You don’t have to pee, but you do have to make sure your fake eyelashes are still intact and your hair hasn’t fallen flat. And just in case you can’t make it to the bathroom, you always keep a mirror in your purse because, ya know, why not?
2. Your Mouth And Hands Speak Your Mind
Whenever a peasant says something you are just appalled by, you outstretch your decorated arm and snap while making some snarky remark. Your finger will literally sway in someone’s face if you need to get your point across. And when you tell a story, you do it with ridiculously BIG arm movements. Basically, all of the sassiness and dramaticism that comes out of your red lips is followed up with your hand gestures.
3. You Can’t Go Anywhere Without Sparkles
You glamorous bitch, you. Whether it’s your designer ass-gripping dress that makes your trophy-worthy tits hang out, your 8-inch stilettos, or just your $200 eyeshadow, you don’t leave the house without ensuring that all eyes will be on you, and you only. You’re like a fucking disco ball when you walk into a room.
4. You’re An Attention Whore
There’s a reason you wear sparkles everywhere… Your need for attention is equivalent to how much Snoop Dog needs pot, how much Christian Grey needs handcuffs, and how much frat boys need Natty Light. Hollywood just isn’t ready for you yet, even though you’re sure you’ll have your own reality TV show in the next five years. Until you do get a cameraman trailing you around every day, you’re fine strutting around with your pack of bitches behind you like you reign the goddamn place.
5. Social Media Is Your Life
“Oh…you only have 1,000 followers? I’m so sorry. It’ll get better eventually.” If you have ever in your life said this line, you know what’s up. Social media isn’t just a hobby; it’s a lifestyle. You’re that girl that has at least one selfie per day on her Snapchat story. Nobody can scroll their feed without seeing a post of you…and you again…and some more of you… It’s not your fault you’re #Flawless.
6. You Never Leave The House Without Your Makeup And Hair Done
If your boy toy has never seen you without makeup, that’s one thing. However, your friends have never seen you without mascara and your hair burned to the core from a flat iron. You get all dolled up just to go to class and the grocery store. It’s like you’re a member of the Kardashian Klan, and you’re just fine and dandy with that.
You’re pretty much God’s gift to the world and you make sure everyone knows it.
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Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
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