The bond between girls in the same pledge class is unspeakable. You go through it all together and wouldn’t be the same without one another, but as you get older, some girls in each PC tend to take on certain… roles. We can all exhibit qualities of class, beauty, self-absorption, pride, and sometimes drunken mistakes, but these girls take it to the extreme, and for some reason we cannot explain, we love them for it.
The Pretty One
We’re all pretty. I mean, I don’t know about you, but my pledge class is actually all pretty. But this one girl is like that kind of pretty that makes you just want to kick her teeth out and shave her head. Kidding. Mostly. This girl may or may not be the most beautiful girl, not only in your sorority, but quite possibly on the entire planet. She has the perfect complexion and looks good in no matter what she’s wearing. Each hair falls perfectly into place, and she just got back from the gym. Her body is literally flawless. After creeping on her new pictures, which leads into creeping on pictures you’ve already seen 1,000 times you MAY even contemplate your sexuality. During recruitment, this girl is paired with PNMs who you are at risk of losing to a rival chapter. You want her to be wearing letters at all times. Of course she’s also nice and a great friend, so you can’t even hate her. But you do sometimes get mad that she ALMOST makes you forget that you’re kind of a knockout too… Almost.
The Drunk Slut
If during Sunday post-chapter gossip, you’re all exchanging your weekend stories and you hear one of the following phrases: “only you,” “you would,” “you’re crazy,” or “hahah you have the best stories” you are probably the drunk slut. You might try and disguise this by claiming that you’re the funny one, but deep down, everyone knows what that really means. Do you think it’s a coincidence that you hold the record for “made out with the most fraternity men at a single mixer?” Or that you made your way up and down fraternity row by sophomore year? I don’t think it is. You DO realize that most girls don’t pride themselves on how many guys they’ve slept with and think it’s funny. And did it ever occur to you that maybe it’s not normal to fall asleep at the bar? Did you ever wonder WHY everyone thought you, out of your whole pledge class, would be the drunkest girl on your bar crawl? Yes, you are the drunk slut. Now, don’t get me wrong, you ARE really funny. People DO like to be around you and hear your stories, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that you can’t remember the last time you’ve had sober sex, or a relationship outside of the hours of 2am and 10am.
The Legacy
People make legacies out to be all bad. There are some great legacies who are super cute and wonderful. These are normally the girls whose older sister was in your sorority at your school, but there are other cases where you get lucky. But of course, I have to discuss the other legacy. It’s not that she’s a bad person. She’s nice, you think, though you never really got to know her. It really isn’t the fact that she’s wearing sneakers with jeans that keeps you from being friends, it isn’t the fact that you’ve never seen her hair out of a ponytail, it isn’t the fact that she is just utterly and overly plain, and you wonder why the older girls didn’t just make the call during recruitment when you were a PNM, she ACTUALLY just doesn’t fit in. She doesn’t like to drink, or gossip, or shop, or make out with douchey boys, it’s like she’s from an alternate universe. Younger girls may feel nervous, but here’s a spoiler alert: she disaffiliates. Oops.
The Only One Who Matters
Oh, you’re having a bad day? Your fratdaddy of two years just updated that other idiot from slampiece to girlfriend? Trust me, it doesn’t top this girl. If your having a bad day, hers was worse. If you met a sexy slammy fratdaddy, hers is sexier and slammier. If you just want to shoot the shit about how awesome Lady Gaga’s performance was at the VMAs (because it was pretty fucking awesome), you’ve come to the wrong place. Because with this girl, you’re going to talk about one thing, and one thing only, and that’s her. So what you’ve already heard this story 87,000 times and after careful evaluation, you’ve come to the conclusion she was actually in the wrong? She’s not over it, so you’re going to hear about it again. I know we’re all pretty self-absorbed, but come on.
Recruitmentzilla
This girl might be your favorite person in the world all year long, until recruitment comes along. Now, we all.. love? hate? have luke-warm feelings towards? recruitment, and totally get that it’s super important, but would you SHUT UP already. I’ve been doing this for years. I literally can’t jump any higher. I actually broke a heel already, and I’ve lost my voice and we’re still only at practice. I understand that you’re a senior and don’t want the chapter to go to shit, but who died and named you recruitment bitch? No one. How about you leave it to our recruitment chair and calm yourself down, honey. Weird though, because after bid day, she’s like, totally normal again.
The Pure Image of Class and Perfection
Every broad on here likes to brag about how classy she is, and I get it. You wear sundresses and can slap a piece of meat between two slices of bread……… But we’re not really all cookie cutters and perfect like we claim to be. Occasionally we’ll get sloppy at a mixer, or we accidentally (purposely) text a boy one (seven) too many times because we’re drunk and lost all inhibitions (because we wanted to and used being drunk as an excuse). Sometimes we make out with an ugly freshman our senior year. Sometimes we’re literally the last girl at the party. Sometimes we get driven home by a cop and thank the heavens we’re pretty so neither Daddy, nor E-board found out about it. However, there is that one girl in your pledge class who is just perfect. It seems she never engages in any of the debauchery you occasionally do. It’s been rumored that she’s never made out with a fraternity man on the dance floor at a mixer… NOT EVEN AT CRUSH PARTY. She’s classically beautiful, tall, thin, and well-spoken. She’s probably your president, or will be. The younger girls will fear her, and look up to her because she’s so perfect and stern with them. The older girls are happy to leave their chapter to her when they leave, knowing it’s in good hands. You just smile knowing that she’s an incredible representation of your sorority, and somehow knows how to handle every situation with grace… Except for that one time sophomore year when she was dancing on tables.. but that was a long time ago. She’ll live on forever, or at least for the next 3 years.. What Would (Insert Her Name Here) Do?
The One Who’s Obsessed with Your Sorority
Of course we all love our sororities. This girl is crazy about it. She is the first one to volunteer for philanthropies, or community service, wears letters multiple times a week, and at any given moment WILL be talking about your chapter. She loves recruitment and has nothing bad to say about anyone. Her room is COVERED in whatever your mascot is and letters and pictures from random events. She never skips a mixer, even when her ex-hookup and his new girlfriend from the other sorority will both be there. She’s held about sixty-three positions and she is always the one to organize pre-games and gatherings. She’s a little social butterfly and you’re sometimes a little jealous of how enthusiastic she is at all times about how much she absolutely loves anything and everything about your sorority! And the weird thing is, by senior year, we’re all her.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
@VeronicaRuckh
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