A 22-Step Guide To Your Pinterest Self-Destruction

A 22-Step Guide To Your Pinterest Self-Destruction

I think we all go through these phases, where we become really idealistic, and get caught up in the magic of Pinterest. We try to imagine what it would be like to live in a world of soft light, soft focus, and soft curls, when in reality we live in a world of leftovers, sweatpants, and messy buns. Whenever I’m on Pinterest, I get the feeling that it’s important to give a sh*t about the way I look, to have my life in order, for my eyebrows to be on point, and for my scarves to be organized by color. But when I try to recreate those pictures I see, it spirals out of control in a vicious cycle.

  1. After hours of scrolling through pictures of alumni getting engaged, pictures of friends studying abroad, and the political opinions of that weird aunt you don’t remember friending on Facebook, you get bored and open Pinterest.
  2. Realize that the reason you’re seeing nothing but furniture on your screen is because of that time last spring when you were trying to redecorate your room and followed a bunch of modern interior design boards.
  3. Open women’s fashion tab
  4. Look through the pictures until it becomes a blur of boot socks and high-waisted skirts.
  5. Realize that you’re wearing the same pair of sweatpants you’ve been wearing all week.
  6. Find that one pin, that magnificent pin, that is everything you want to be (for the time being).
  7. Figure out that the items in that pin are way out of your price range.
  8. Try to improvise with the clothing you already have.
  9. Try variations of combinations, laying all of them on your bed.
  10. Try every single combination on.
  11. Get frustrated.
  12. Return to your uniform of sweatpants and shacker shirt.
  13. Open up the hair and beauty tab, thinking at least you hair and makeup can look good.
  14. Find a picture tutorial of something that looks simple enough to accomplish.
  15. Burn yourself with the curling iron.
  16. Redo eyeliner until it’s so thick that 2002 Avril Lavigne is jealous.
  17. Give up and put hair in bun with your glasses on to cover your makeup tracks.
  18. Open up the food and drink tab and realize you’re hungry.
  19. Decide that you’ve had such a trying day that you couldn’t be bothered to cook.
  20. Order Chinese food.
  21. Accept the fact that you have a year-round pass for the struggle bus.
  22. Repeat steps 1-21. Daily

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Samantha Wanderer

What Sam lacks in height she makes up for in sarcasm and self-deprecating humor. She aspires to own the worlds largest collection of empty diet coke cans.

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