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A Basic Formula for the BEST Halloween Costume Ever

Halloween is, hands down, the best holiday to celebrate on campus. First of all, it’s beyond fun to celebrate a holiday where it’s not only acceptable, but encouraged, to black out while in costume with all of your besties. Second of all, Halloween is the only holiday that doesn’t require any type of gift exchange, or date scenario. Also, it’s totally non-secular, which is great because there’s nothing worse than feeling required to ask forgiveness for taking too many tequila shots the night before, so there’s that. To quote the greatest cinematic masterpiece of all time, “In the regular world, Halloween is where children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In girl world, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. The hardcore girls just wear lingerie and some form of animal ears.” While I agree with this statement, I think it’s important to realize that we need to move beyond the slutty costume phase of Halloween.

Am I endorsing the return of the modest costume? Um, no, duh, of course not. All I’m advocating is the resurgence of creativity in the entire Halloween costume process. Sure, it’s a blast being able to run around, scantily clad, and drink shot after shot of cheap vodka, but there’s more to Halloween than getting wasted while you’re half naked. There’s also the entire time you spend planning your perfect costume, shopping for it, and getting ready with your sisters. Also, I’m just going to come out and say it: the entire idea that you can just take any normal costume idea and prefix it with “slutty” is a bit tired. I’m so over the slutty nun/cop/firefighter/nurse/doctor/teacher/funeral home director/whatever.

Think about it: our entire lives are spent showing off our creativity. We always have to have the FUNNIEST recruitment skit, the CUTEST cooler made for our formal dates, and the BEST and MOST PERSONAL gifts for our littles. Why should our Halloween costumes be run-of-the-mill? Essentially, I’ve created a basic list of components every successful Halloween costume should have. They’ve been tried and true year after year, and now I’m sharing them with you, because I’m so generous, or whatever. Basically, every Halloween costume should wreak HAVOC:

H: Hilarious


Any costume can be sexy, but the most memorable and the most fun are the ones that are done with a sense of humor in mind. Anyone can dress up as a slutty nun, but carrying a flask filled with vodka around that says “Holy Water” on it? You just promoted your costume to humorous. The point is, we’re going to look hot regardless of what we wear, so it’s way more fun to try to wear something funny and enjoyable than trying too hard by making sexy your only goal.

A: Assembled By Hand


I don’t mean you have to hand sew your costume, but I do mean you should be a little more creative than browsing for costumes online and ordering your favorite. One, nothing is more annoying than having the same costume as a million other people, and two, few things are more fun than crafting with your sisters, and this is just another excuse to do so. Group costumes are a great way to utilize time that could otherwise be used studying to personalize your amazing costumes. Also, it’s nice to stand out from everyone else who decided to do the same thing you did.

V: VERY Hot


I know I said before that dressing slutty is basically a pre-requisite for Halloween, but there’s a reason you’re allowed to dress even hotter than your normal Thursday night at the bar, and you should fully embrace it. Halloween is the only time showing your midriff is acceptable. Also if your abs are looking great, now’s your last chance to show them off before Spring Break, so go for it.

O: Original


This is where it can get tricky. The key is to stay far away from the “what the hell is this girl dressed up as” end of the scale, and more toward the “OMG I WISH I HAD THOUGHT OF THAT!” end. I think group costumes are a great way of doing something original, because a collaborative effort is always the best way to get stuff done…just think about when it’s time to make new T-shirts.

C: Culturally Relevant


I would also tack on “offensive” to this section. I have lived my entire life walking the thin line between offensive and hilarious, and I’m totally fine with that. There’s nothing better than finding the best way to depict the year’s best news stories, or anything else time-sensitive, because there’s no way anyone else can duplicate it in years to come. For example, everyone thought it was “too soon” to dress up as Amy Winehouse, but I was like “whatever” because, nobody would have to wonder who I was dressed up as. Does anyone remember the Sarah Palin costumes during the 2008 election? Exactly. This year, I plan on spending one night as Honey Boo Boo – I’m going to recreate her glitz gown, get a bad spray tan, and tease my hair to the high heavens. I’m also going to do my makeup like it’s prom night in the 80s and wear a sash that says “Honey Boo Boo Child.” Oh, and I am hiring a fat girl to wear a t-shirt that says “Coupon Queen” and follow me around all night with a can of hairspray. Whatever, it’s amazing.

Either way, I hope this helps when you’re planning your costumes this year, and you better get to work, because Halloween is like, three weeks from now, so if you haven’t planned anything yet, you’re like a month behind everyone else.

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