“Oh my God, Beccs, it’s insane.”
“Tell me EVERYTHING.”
Naomi was still starting to process what she’d just been through. She assumed recruitment would be some type of weird, silent panel style interview, during which she walked into a house, and some tiny, tan brunette with big boobs would tell her “it’s a no from me” a la Simon Cowell. She wasn’t prepared for what it actually entailed.
“Okay, so, we started out all in a line outside the house, and we can basically just hear girls screaming on the inside of it.”
“Wait. What do you mean screaming. Like, torturous shrills of agony or what?”
“I mean, they were excited screams, I guess, but it legit sounded like a bunch of people dying.”
“JOIN ALPHA BETA WHATEVER OR ELSE.”
“Something like that. So anyway. The girls start, like, banging on the door or whatever. It’s really weird. Sounds like they’re trying to escape. And then the recruitment chair and the president come out and give this really robotic speech about how excited they are to see us.”
“Naturally.”
“And then they open the doors. And the girls look so insane. They’re all stacked on top of each other. Did you see that thing on Twitter?”
“YES. OMG. THAT’S REAL?”
“So real. And then they kind of like open up and you start walking through this tunnel of girls who are all singing at you. And you don’t know what to do. Like. Should I sing? Should I clap? But a quick scan of the room says you just basically ignore it and pretend it’s chill, and sit their kind of lifeless with a soft smile until they stop and start talking to you.”
“Wut.”
“Other than that, it was pretty chill, though.”
Naomi had been happily oblivious to her surroundings for 15 minutes in favor of a love affair with her phone, and felt pretty decent about that. She didn’t need to be having a conversation with a million clones of herself in the rec center in between rounds of recruitment. Most of these girls sucked, and the recruitment process would phase out the ones who didn’t for her. But her all-encompassing text convo with her sister was quickly interrupted.
“Have you been to Beta Gamma yet?”
She looked up to see a next-level gorgeous blonde girl wearing a t-shirt identical to hers, as they were instructed to do.
“No, not yet. Have you? Was it terrifying?” Beta Gamma was the top house on campus. Arguably, of course. The idea of walking into a room full of glamazons who’d judge her legitimately shook Naomi to her core. The entire process was intimidating, but she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t particularly worried about what that house thought of her.
“A little intimidating, yeah. All the girls were really pretty, obviously” she paused to take a sip of her water, “and blonde.”
“Did you like them?”
“Honestly…I know everyone has, like, lady wood for that house or whatever, but I’m just not sure if I’m feeling it. I think people sort of expect me to end up there, but they seemed a little basic to me. Nice, but basic. I mean, I’m not going to drop them or anything. But it’s not where my heart is set.”
Oh, people just EXPECT that you’ll end up in the best sorority on campus. Okay, cool. I get it. You’re prettier than me. Buzz off. “Where is your heart set?”
“I kind of like Rho Lambda. My oldest brother’s girlfriend was in Rho Lambda, so I’ve met some of the girls before, and they’re really fun. She just graduated though. Have you heard much about them?”
“Just that they’re party girls. They seemed cool.”
“I’d say that’s accurate. They fucking rage. Honestly, like, they give fraternities a run for their money. A lot of the other sororities don’t love them, but I think that’s kind of awesome. I’m Ashley, by the way,” she said sticking her hand out.
“Naomi.”
“You live in Dickinson, right? I think I’ve seen you around those dorms. Here, put your number in my phone, so we can walk over here together tomorrow. My rush group is honestly a bunch of fucking boners. I mean ~potential future sisters.~”
“Yes, oh my god. If my Pi Chis say that one more time.”
“Don’t even get me started on my Pi Chis. ‘Trust the system’ and shit. Like, okay, maybe. Can you just admit to us that if you get dropped you’re questioning everything about who you are as a person.”
“And how you look!”
“Am I even pretty? I don’t know any more. I legitimately have no idea what I look like because my self-esteem from now until Bid Day depends solely on what these girls think of me.”
Naomi laughed and exchanged numbers with Ashley before looking back down at her phone to see the time, as well as 13 texts from her little sister Becca.
“Shit, I have to go to Delta Iota Rho in like ten minutes,” she told Ashley. “But it was really great meeting you.”
“SO nice meeting you. Good luck with the rest of recruitment!” Ashley mocked, before adding “I’ll text you tomorrow and we can grab Starbs and walk over here.”
Naomi nodded and waved while returning to her rush group to line up for another house. She quickly returned to her phone and speed texted her younger sister.
“Shit. I’m so sorry. I got caught up. I’ll call you tonight. Also, lowkey, I think I just made my first sorority friend.”.
To read the first installment of this series during which a college freshman explains her pre-recruitment credit card statement to her dad, click here.
Image via Shutterstock
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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