Men are simple. Very simple. It’s for that reason that I hate seeing so many gorgeous women sabotage themselves in the dating world. As a guy, I should be thinking, “more for me,” right? Not really–I’ve experienced firsthand several women sabotaging themselves because of a relationship. With me. Once you’ve found a decent guy, it’s really not hard to keep him. The first four to six weeks are the crucial weeks that could mean the difference between dating and disaster. In my experience, communication (or lack thereof) can end a potentially good relationship before it begins. Here are the four big mistakes to avoid, and if you avoid them, you’ll have little to worry about unless he’s dumb enough to screw up.
Overthinking is a big way to create trouble in paradise. It’s not so much the overthinking that’s the problem–it’s the fact that after overthinking, women make up their mind about something major before even talking to the guy about it. If you have some reservations about where things are headed in the relationship or if you feel like his behavior or level of interest has changed, talk to him. Don’t let him become the bad guy in your mind until you hear what he has to say. We’re not open books. I don’t remember the last time I voluntarily talked about my feelings with a girl I was dating. Be direct, get a satisfactory answer, and make your decision from there. As a common example I’ve seen among too many of my friends, don’t accuse a guy of only looking to hook up if it seems to you that there’s too much focus on sex. A guy isn’t going to say no to sex, and once he knows you are comfortable with him, he’ll be more comfortable making moves. It’s easy for a guy to get caught up in it, even if he legitimately likes you. In situations like this, as well as others, a simple conversation can go a long, long way.
Being Too Open About Your Baggage
Honesty is always necessary to have in a relationship, and I understand that if you really, really, really like a guy, you want to be honest and keep no secrets. However, verbal diarrhea about exes, tragic life events, and heartbreaks can be absolutely overwhelming. I had a first date once where a girl told me about her divorce and how it changed her outlook on life. Her friends let it slip to me that she was divorced when she and I first met, and I was fine with it, but I wasn’t ready for a full conversation about it. She was really hot, but it still creeped me out. These details are best kept for a mature relationship and parceled out when the topic calls for it. It sounds callous, but put yourself in our shoes. If a guy told you a story about how his ex-girlfriend nailed his best friend or something horrible like that and it was totally devastating within the first few weeks of dating, would you not be itching horribly to change the subject? Hell yes. It’s like getting a Carfax and finding out that the car you are about to buy is going to cost more than its value to repair before you can even drive it, instead of the car being something you can maintain over time.
Establish Your Boundaries Early, Internally And Vocally
It goes without saying that sometimes your body wants something different than what your mind wants. I know, duh. That said, it’s important to know what boundaries you want to stay within before you start dating a guy instead of taking it on the fly. Some girls have no problem having sex on a first date. Some girls want to wait a few dates, or even a few weeks. Some girls want to wait until marriage. These are all fine. In my experience, a guy knows if he wants to sleep with a girl within the first few seconds of seeing her, and he knows if he would like to seriously date her by the end of the first date. I’ve never known sex on the first date or waiting to have sex to make a significant difference. It’s all about your comfort zone, so make sure he has an idea of your boundaries before the first date ends. Nothing kills the mood quite like making a move and having a girl put on the brakes. That creates an awkwardness that is tough to bounce back from, but if the guy knew the boundaries upfront, he would–and should–respect her boundaries if he ever wants to see her again. On the flip side, you could want us to make a move, but we don’t want to cross a line and get kenneled like a disobedient animal. Communication prevents this awkwardness.
Not Getting In With Our Friends
I trust my best friend with my life. Women will come and go, but my friends will always be there, and a lot of people think getting in with the family is more important than getting in with the friends. If my friend asks me, “How are things going with that girl who hung out with us the other night? She seems pretty cool,” that carries heavy weight for me. On the other hand, if you are jealous of the attention my friends get compared to you and you act out on it, that is a major turnoff. I once dated a girl and gave her maybe 75 percent of my attention; my best friend got a 25 percent split, if you could quantify it. She felt that 25 percent was too much, and went on a tirade about it. We were four weeks in. She was gone four minutes after that tirade. Never underestimate what an ally his friend can be or how much you can sabotage yourself by burning bridges with his friends..