“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” This is every parent’s slam dunk line. It sends even the most sassy and disobedient child into complete remorse and guilt. And by child, I mean a 22-year-old living completely on her own.

A parent’s disappointment is the only thing worse than the nauseating wave of guilt after too wild of a night. The thought of disappointing my parents absolutely terrifies me. Don’t get me wrong, they’re amazing parents. This fact just makes it worse when I continue on a snowball of disappointing endeavors. These two people have poured themselves into raising me to be a positive reflection of them. It’s a gut-wrenching feeling.

1. If I could go back in time, I would take a lot of things back that I said and did to them. But for now, all I can do is list them in the form of an apology.
2. I’m sorry I didn’t take your advice about not wearing eyeliner in the sixth grade, Mom. The pictures from junior high dances are the eternal punishment.
3. I’m sorry that I pretended to not see you when you waved at me during high school football games.
4. Dad, I’m sorry I left the house wearing a too-small swimsuit when you told me not to. My 12-year-old body didn’t need to be seen in a bikini.
5. I’m super sorry for the time I hid candy wrappers behind my bed for six weeks, and I’m even more sorry that you probably thought you had a piglet for a daughter.
6. Dad, I’m sorry I made you come to the junior high school to hear about how I behaved terribly in Spanish class. In my defense, I couldn’t control the giggles.
7. Mom, I’m sorry I made you drop me off far away from my friends. If I could go back, I would’ve wanted you to come hang out with us. (You’re not a regular mom, you’re a cool mom.)
8. I apologize for all the sleepovers I made you pick me up from at 3 a.m. I really didn’t want to be one of the cool kids after all.
9. I’m sorry for an embarrassing amount of panicked phone calls during freshman year of college. Thank you for picking me up and letting me pretend I was still in high school during the weekends.
10. I’m sorry for throwing up in the car on the way to see the family after my twentieth birthday. In my defense, you brought a hungover human into a place called “Grandpa’s Cheese Barn.”
11. Most of all, I’m sorry for not wanting anything to do with you from the ages of 13 to 17.

Remember being an angsty teenager who wanted to be as far away from your parents as possible? Upon turning 21, I became the opposite. My parents frequently receive paragraph texts that are riddled with love and appreciation, and I hope I’m half as good of a parent when I can finally trick someone into marrying me. So, don’t forget to send out some love to your ‘rents, especially if they put up with you during your Abercrombie phase.

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BlingleWhiteFemale

BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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