A Lazy Girl’s Guide To Sex Positions


I might be the laziest lazy girl to ever walk this earth. If I don’t have an alarm set to wake me up, I can sleep in until late afternoon. My hobbies include sleeping, eating, and drinking, but mostly sleeping. And if I eat or drink, the next thing I want to do is sleep. I’m an incredibly lazy person, and sometimes that carries over into the bedroom. It’s not that I don’t enjoy sex, because I do, but sex involves a lot of movement. A lot of bumping and grinding and just general activity. I don’t always have lazy sex, but sometimes I just don’t feel like putting in much effort. Sex is basically a workout, and just like how I would rather just be skinny instead of actually having to go the gym, I’d rather have an orgasm without actually having sex. Wouldn’t that be nice?

Fellow lazy girls understand my struggle. Sometimes I want to get it on, but without having to do any of the manual labor. Here are a few of the best sex positions for when you just don’t feel like moving, ranked from the most amount of effort required on your part to least.

7. Sitting Up Face-To-Face (With You Facing The T.V.)

Okay, so this requires a little bit of effort, but for the most part, you’re just chilling bouncing up and down on that dick. This is perfect if you’re in the middle of watching something on Netflix and he wants to get it on but you’re feeling lazy. You take care of each other in relationships, so give in and let him bone you for a few minutes. Just position yourself to face the T.V. so you can see if Meredith and McDreamy finally get together in this episode. Maybe gaze into his eyes every once in a while to let him know you’re still there, but for the most part just enjoy the ride.

6. Reverse Cowgirl (With You Facing The T.V.)

Again, this requires some effort, but you get to enjoy some entertainment while he gets to enjoy you. Once you get into a rhythm, let gravity take over and just ride. Guys love this position because, hello, your ass looks fantastic in it. Even if you don’t have a great ass, just stick it out and fake it. Let him reach around the front and get a handful of boobage if you so desire. You get to stare at the T.V. and he gets to stare at you. It’s a win-win situation. And the best part about this position? You don’t even have to leave the couch.

5. Missionary (Guy On Top)

This requires little to no effort. You lay there while your boyfriend/hookup/FWB/flavor of the month penetrates you in the first sex position ever invented. It’s outdated. It’s vanilla. It’s boring. He might be a little pissed considering he’s the one burning twenty calories a minute jackhammering away at your lifeless body. All you have to do is lay back and enjoy it. Or at the very least, wait 2-3 minutes until it’s over.

4. Spooning

Lazy couples, this one is for you. Spooning is when both of you lay on your sides and come together (lol) like perfectly fitting puzzle pieces. It’s the same position as when you fall asleep, except there’s a dick inside you. This position is also ideal if you want to get off because he can just reach around and play with your clit while you just rock back and forth. This position requires minimal effort from both parties, so this may be your best option if you’re both tired but also maybe a little horny.

3. Face Down

This isn’t exactly the most comfortable position, but it is lazy. All you do is lay on your stomach and let your guy enter you from behind and, to put it bluntly, “fuck you like a corpse.” Yeah, it’s a little weird, but if you’re dedicated to the lazy life, you’ll do it because you literally don’t do any work at all. It’s physically impossible for you to move so sorry, not sorry, your man-friend is going to have to work for it himself if he wants his orgasm.

2. Laying On The Edge Of The Bed

Scooch over onto the edge of you bed so you ass is almost hanging off and put your legs in the air. Let him stand up on the side of the bed and do all the work while you just lie back and relax. This position actually feels pretty good, and your guy has a perfect ariel view of your tits bouncing up and down as he thrusts. This position gets you all the pleasure without doing any of the work. It’s a win for lazy girls everywhere.

1. Oral

The laziest (and best) sex position of them all. You lie back. He goes down on you. You finish. You tell him you’ll “get him next time,” and proceed to fall asleep. The end.

I guess you can have your orgasm and eat it, too. Or something like that.

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