A Look Into The Crazy Mind Of A Girl With An Unanswered Text Message

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It’s the 21st century, which means our cell phones are never more than 5 inches away from our hands. When we finally muster up the courage to throw out a desperate text to our man obsession of the week, time CRAWLS by until he responds–if he ever actually does respond, that is.

Maybe it’s just a personal thing to be a psychotic mess about digital communication, but when I send a guy a text about how I “lost” a fake piece of jewelry, I want a response STAT. Here’s how my lovely, supportive friends help me justify his cyber-silence.

Me: “Okay, ladies. Put down your brunch forks. I texted him. I said, ‘Hey, last night was fun.’ ”

Friend #1: “That was good. Casual, but flirty.”

Me: “It’s been three minutes. Oh God, he’s not going to text me back.”

Friend #2: “Relax! It’s only noon. You know how boys sleep until, like…3 p.m.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, or he’s probably eating breakfast.”

Me: “You’re right. I’m not desperate. I’ll leave my phone on the table, flipped over, for six more minutes.”

[Half an hour later]

Me: “You guys, help. It’s been thirty minutes. He tweeted. He’s awake and has his phone.”

Friend #3: “It’s fine, he’s definitely working out. It’s midmorning.”

Me: “But wouldn’t he have his phone? To listen to music?”

Friend #1: “He probably has an iPod for that.”

[Later that afternoon]

Me: “It’s been three hours. He’s worked out and has definitely checked his phone. Everyone checks their phone at least once this late in the day!”

Friend #2: “Okay, but it’s a Saturday. He could be doing family stuff. Or visiting his grandma.”

Friend #3: “Yes! That’s probably it–and they don’t want him to text or look at his phone. It’s probably off.”

Me: “Really? I mean, I guess you’re right. He could be taking another nap or something.”

[Later that evening]

Me: “Okay, it’s been almost six hours. He even liked one of my Instagrams.”

Friend #1: “He’s probably doing homework at the library. You know how the service is spotty there.”

Friend #2: “Or he’s drinking with the guys! Guy time probably.”

Friend #3: “Yes! Or he’s at a doctor’s appointment.”

Friend #1: “Yeah, an eye doctor appointment. Or maybe he’s at a job interview.”

Me: “Yeah, or maybe he doesn’t recognize my number. Should I text him again?”

Friend #2: “Yes! Just something short.”

Me: “I said ‘Going out?’ Is that too much?”

Friend #3: “No, that’s perfect. You know what–he could be at the movies.”

[Later that night]

Me: “He hasn’t said anything in eight hours. People haven’t gone that long without looking at their cell phones since 2001.”

Friend #1: “Guys are dumb though, he probably left it at the gym or lost it at the bar last night.”

Friend #2: “It could be in a cab. Or maybe he dropped it in some water or something.”

Friend #3: “Could be. Or maybe he’s in the hospital–he was pretty drunk last night.”

Me: “Yeah, he could be dead.”

Friend #1: “Oh, my God, yes. He’s definitely dead.”

And there you have it: the ridiculous ways we rationalize when a guy refuses to respond to our texts. Unless he’s in a coma or deceased, I want a response. Actually, if he’s in a coma, I want a call from his mother, so I can expect a text when he wakes up.

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BlingleWhiteFemale (@BlingleWhiteFem) is a single blonde female who spends her days campaigning for First Lady. She is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move.

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