Ladies and gentlemen (guys watch it too, don’t even try to deny it), it’s almost time for JoJo Fletcher, America’s sweetheart, to have her well-deserved second chance at televised love. Kicking off Monday night, she’ll have 26 eligible young men to chose from, so read on, make your brackets, and may the best man win.
(Note: any guys without pictures either don’t have an Instagram or their accounts are private.)
Alex
Age: 25
From: Oceanside, California
Occupation: Marine
Initial Thoughts: Everyone loves a man in uniform, and Alex is a smoking hot one. He may be a bit on the shorter side at 5’7”, but he’s ambitious, disciplined, hates grinding (thank god), and his most “outrageous” story is about saving someone’s life. So he’s basically an angel.
Predictions: I can see him fitting in well with the other contestants who are mature and quiet, but definitely clashing with any entitled douchebags in the group. At some point, he’s going to get into a fight, where with any luck, he’ll be shirtless.
Ali
Age: 27
From: Santa Monica, California
Occupation: Bartender
Initial Thoughts: Immediately I’m a little apprehensive of anyone who’s still a bartender in their late 20’s. He reminds me of many a fraternity guy I’ve met in college, which may not bode well for JoJo when looking for a life partner. He is afraid of bugs, which may be a dealbreaker honestly; JoJo hates bugs too, so who’s going to kill all the bugs in their future home??
Predictions: Ali seems like the class clown, so I think he’ll clash with the more serious guys on the show, and may come across as immature to JoJo. I don’t see him sticking around too long.
Brandon
Age: 28
From: Los Angeles, California
Occupation: Hipster
Initial Thoughts: First of all, listing “hipster” as your occupation is probably high up there on the list of most hipster things to ever happen. What does that even mean? Like does he sell artisanal hair gel on Venice Beach? He’s hipster with no tattoos, so is he even really a hipster? Also, one of his favorite movies is Her, so maybe he’s got a weird techno sex fetish, who knows.
Predictions: He will definitely clash with Alex.
Chad
Age: 28
From: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Occupation: Luxury Real Estate Agent
Initial Thoughts: Chad is sexy. I’d buy a multi-million dollar house from Chad, and then bang him in every room of it. He’s 6’2”, and being a Dallas girl myself, I speak for all of us when I say we love tall men. He’s confident, but cocky to the point of being pretty obnoxious; he most admires “himself in 10 years”. At least he’s intent on constantly bettering himself? But he references himself in 10 years and Dazed and Confused twice, and “alright, alright, alright” is to be used sparingly, sir. Also, saying your greatest achievement in life was “being born good looking”? Do less, dude.
Predictions: He was in the Marine Corps like Alex, but based on his answers, I highly doubt they’ll get along. He’ll stay around for a while because he’s fun to look at and he’ll start drama, but he’s got no chance of winning.
Chase
Age: 27
From: Highlands Ranch, Colorado
Occupation: Medical Sales Representative
Initial Thoughts: He’s been on a skydiving date, so he’ll definitely do well if put into an extreme date situation on the show. He says he wouldn’t sell his truck for love, so there’s that. He talks a lot about being able to have fun, which makes me wonder if he’d do well in a serious setting, like the intimate one on one dates later on in the competition. When asked who he’d trade places with for a day, he said his father, “to understand his choices”, so maybe there are some daddy issues in there.
Predictions: He seems sweet, but forgettable. Being “fun” is great, but he’ll definitely need to bring more to the table to get that rose.
Christian
Age: 26
From: Los Angeles, California
Occupation: Telecom Consultant
Initial Thoughts: I’m seeing Christian as the very likeable dork, in the best way. The dude like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, but plays well with others, and parties when it’s party time. He may have some trust issues; his ex-girlfriend took his dog. HIS DOG, PEOPLE.
Predictions: Christian doesn’t like pretentious people, so I see him clashing with the more douchey or hipster type guys (cough, cough, Brandon and Chad). His ability to get along with everyone will definitely be tested, but I see him making a group of low-drama friends during his time on the show.
Colin, “Coley”
Age: 27
From: Chicago, Illinois
Occupation: Real Estate Consultant
Initial Thoughts: First of all, what TF kind of a nickname is that? Coley? That takes just as much time to say as Colin. Tbh, Coley’s face reminds me of that one Snapchat filter that makes your face really wide at the cheeks. He likes Dazed and Confused, so maybe he’ll get along with Chad, alright, alright, alright. He loves Harry Potter and America, no complaints there. Buuuut his quote on being a Romantic is really confusing, “Yes [he’s a romantic] because fire will never stay lit forever, so you’ll need sparks at opportune times.” I have literally no idea what that means, so maybe he can work a bit on expressing his thoughts verbally.
Predictions: He doesn’t like when girls are too forward, or a relationship moves too fast. He may struggle with opening up and getting close to someone as quickly as he needs to keep up with the competition on the show.
Daniel
Age: 31
From: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Occupation: Canadian
Initial Thoughts: While I was hoping that Daniel did nothing other that just exist in Canada, he is actually a male model. He’s definitely a contender for biggest douchebag. He referred to himself as a “lambo” TWICE so red flags right there. He also started a sentence with “Back in the day”, alright old timer.
Predictions: He and Chad will become the best of friends and runaway to really really ridiculously good-looking people land when they get kicked off the show halfway through the season.
Derek
Age: 29
From: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Occupation: Commercial Banker
Initial Thoughts: His eyes are blue like the ocean, and baby I am lost at sea. His love of Ben Franklin and Star Wars already has me signing up to take him if JoJo doesn’t want him. He has a fear of fluffy kittens (who doesn’t, they’re clearly up to no good), and believes that “all a man needs is duct tape”, so what’s not to love?
Predictions: I’m already in love with him, so JoJo probably will be too. He’s going to make it pretty far, and will get wrapped up in some drama occasionally, but try to stay out of it for the most part. Again, if she’s not feeling him, I’ll take him.
Evan
Age: 33
From: Nashville, Tennessee,
Occupation: Erectile Dysfunction Specialist
Initial Thoughts: Evan is 33, which in Bachelor/Bachelorette years might as well be 75. He may lack some of the boyish good looks of the other contestants, but his additional experience has definitely made him aware of what he does and doesn’t want in a partner. For example, having a food allergy or chipped nails makes you a “no” in Evan’s book. Ok. Let’s hope JoJo gets her Chinchilly mani touched up daily.
Predictions: At some point, one of the other contestants will ask if he can hook them up with some Viagra, guaranteed. Evan seems a little out there, in a funny instead of dramatic way, so hopefully I’ll be amused for a short time, but I don’t see him getting too far in the game.
Grant
Age: 28
From: San Francisco, California
Occupation: Firefighter
Initial Thoughts: I’m very conflicted about Grant. Yes, he’s a fireman, he’s saved lives, he likes to make people feel like they’re appreciated, and he likes the Ninja Turtles. Buuuuuut putting “evaded police in Mexico on an ATV’ as the craziest thing you’ve done sketches me out a little bit. JoJo is looking for a husband, not Jason Bourne. Also, he didn’t like a date where the girl talked about Harry Potter and seriously, who doesn’t like Harry Potter?? Voldemort, that’s who.
Predictions: At some point, Grant will definitely be accused of being disingenuous and not really caring about JoJo. It’s hard to tell if he’s ready to settle down or not, so if he stays longer than the first night, he’s really going to need to bring out his more sensitive side.
Jake
Age: 26
From: Playa Vista, California
Occupation: Landscape Architect
Initial Thoughts: Jake seems very sure of himself, and very confident in his ability to win JoJo’s heart. I have a weird feeling that he’s got some issues from his past that he keeps hidden deep down.
Predictions: He will stick around until at least halfway, but he will struggle to let his guard down around JoJo. He’s a really confident guy, which is great, but JoJo has shown that she likes to know every side of her man, so he’s going to have to show her, or else get sent home.
James F.
Age: 34
From: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Boxing Club Owner
Initial Thoughts: What’s with all the older guys from Tennessee? I’m interested to find out why he’s lasering off all his tattoos. He loves kids and takes marriage very seriously, so that’s a good sign for JoJo.
Predictions: He seems like a sensitive dude, and will probably get along well with JoJo, but not at all with many of the other contestants, especially the douche crew.
James S.
Age: 27
From: Phoenix, Arizona
Occupation: Bachelor Superfan
Initial Thoughts: “Bachelor superfan” is not a job. It’s a hobby, at best. He seems like a very traditional kind of guy, very polite, but I wonder how he’ll do around a pack of guys all going for the same girl.
Predictions: James S. seems like a super nice guy, maybe even the nicest on the show. But you know what they say, nice guys finish last.
James Taylor
Age: 29
From: Katy, Texas
Occupation: Singer-Songwriter
Initial Thoughts: James Taylor here sounds like he jumped out of a Florida-Georgia Line song. He’s got American flag and eagle tattoos, loves an ice cold beer, what a guy. Seems like a lot of fun, and wants to make JoJo laugh. He’s also got the home state advantage: Texas girls love Texas boys.
Predictions: Someone will call him a hillbilly at some point, and he’ll shake it off. James Taylor will stay out of the drama as much as he can, but if someone insults JoJo or one of his friends on the show, no question he’ll stand up for them. His Texas charm will get him at least halfway through. He will definitely serenade JoJo upon meeting her for the first time, I promise.
Jonathan
Age: 29
From: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Occupation: Technical Sales Representative
Initial Thoughts: So how come this Canadian gets to have an official job other than Canadian? Huh ABC? Jonathan is literally me: he likes to dance, but only when he’s drunk, he doesn’t think gluten is a real allergy, and he likes to get a good ugly cry out by watching Toy Story 3. He also thinks his hair is one of his best features, just like Roger Dorn. He renovated his own home, and appreciates when a woman offers to pay, even though he’d never make her do so.
Predictions: He seems laid back, relatable, and gentlemanly without being too stuffy, which will hopefully be evident in his first meeting with JoJo. When it comes down to the roses, that hair alone will get him through the first ceremony for sure.
Jordan
Age: 27
From: Chico, California
Occupation: Former Professional Quarterback
Initial Thoughts: Isn’t 27 a little old to be retired? This makes me think that he’s currently unemployed but has enough money that it doesn’t matter, which is a pretty dope situation to be in before the age of 30. He’s got a good sense of humor, saying the wildest thing he’s done in the bedroom is “tried to hang a TV on the wall without directions or a stud finder”, funny while avoiding the question, which would probably be TMI anyway.
Predictions: He’s cute, athletic, and funny. Definitely seems like JoJo’s type. Their first encounter may be a little awkward and forgettable, but if she keeps him longer than the first night, he’ll start to relax and open up to her.
Luke
Age: 31
From: Burnet, Texas
Occupation: War Veteran
Initial Thoughts: So many military hotties, damn. Like James Taylor, Luke has that Texas advantage. He seems really into knowing how people think, but he loses points for using the word “swag” as a positive adjective, sorry Justin Beiber. He also hates when girls talk about their ex’s, and with JoJo’s very public last ex being Bachelor Ben, that’s sure to come up every now and then.
Predictions: He says patience is one of his best attributes, but he may be too patient, and not make a big enough impression at his first meeting with JoJo. I see him going home the first night.
Nick B.
Age: 33
From: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Occupation: Electrical Engineer
Initial Thoughts: Nick B. seems like a big people pleaser, and that may be his undoing in this competition. He’s a man’s man, and likes Ducks Unlimited, war movies, rugby, and receiving roses from the Bachelorette.
Predictions: Like James S., Nick B. may be too nice, and end up unable to make himself stand out amongst the other contestants, since nice isn’t always memorable. He’s going home the first night.
Nick S.
Age: 26
From: San Francisco, California
Occupation: Software Salesman
Initial Thoughts: Nick S. looks like the adorable computer geek of our dreams. He’s very outdoorsy, and wants a ranch and tomato farm (aight), and tons of kids.
Predictions: Nick S. has described himself as “adaptable” to various roles. At some point in the season, another contestant will accuse him of being fake, or he will play both sides of other people’s arguments. He’s still going to get far though, by playing other guys against each other. That, or he’ll be super weird at his first meeting with JoJo, mention that he dislikes “scary cheeses” (what’s scary about cheese??), and be gone night one. Up in the air rn.
Peter
Age: 26
From: Chicago, Illinois
Occupation: Staffing Agency Manager
Initial Thoughts: Peter is absolutely precious. He wants to go back in time to see dinosaurs, and once got pantsed in a football game. He loves his grandpa, and is getting a tattoo dedicated to him. He’s also really into active, exotic dates, which will be plentiful on this season of the show.
Predictions: If Peter shows off his energetic personality in his first encounter with JoJo, he’ll be fine, and probably stick around until around halfway, maybe leaving sooner. But if he’s quiet and awkward, he might be outshone and go home on night one.
Robert, “Robby”
Age: 27
From: Jacksonville, Florida
Occupation: Former Competitive Swimmer
Initial Thoughts: Robby gets bonus points for saying his favorite flower was anything other than a rose. Robby cares about his family, wants a lot of kids, but no more than his wife is willing to have (thank god), and wants to make JoJo the happiest woman in the world. He’s also comfortable in a speedo and loves dressing up.
Predictions: Robby will bring JoJo a gift at their first meeting, maybe a flower, maybe something more sentimental, but he won’t come empty-handed. This will definitely impress JoJo and make him stand out. I say he makes it to the final four.
Sal
Age: 28
From: Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Occupation: Operations Manager
Initial Thoughts: Maybe I’m just a huge bitch, but I hate the name Sal. It makes me think of a greasy mafia dude and it’s an automatic dealbreaker. But hey, that’s just me. Also, one of his favorite movies is Real Steel, so I’m already doubting every decision he’s ever made.
Predictions: Sal seems sweet, but unimaginative, and I see him getting overlooked and sent home the first night.
Vincent, “Vinny”
Age: 28
From: Delray Beach, Florida
Occupation: Barber
Initial Thoughts: Gym tan laundry! Cabs are here! T-shirt time! Vinny’s all make me think of Jersey Shore. He does get some redeeming points for listing Sandlot as one of his favorite movies, and he embraces his former awkward phases with a laugh.
Predictions: He’ll make JoJo laugh at their first meeting, and he’ll stick around for about 3 weeks, in which time he’ll get some good one-liners out to the douche crew.
Wells
Age: 31
From: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Radio DJ
Initial Thoughts: Continuing our parade of Tennessee 30-year-olds, Wells is my favorite. Dude doesn’t look 31. He looks hot af, like holy shit. He’s energetic, genuine, and competitive, which will serve him well in the competition.
Predictions: Wells is a ~daddy~ who will get by the first night on looks, and continue to impress JoJo with his personality and adventurous spirit. He will definitely make it to hometowns.
William, “Will”
Age: 26
From: Jersey City,
Occupation: New Jersey Civil Engineer
Initial Thoughts: Will is another guy on my “I’ll take him” list. Will is the guy friend that we’ve secretly had a crush on this whole time. He’s chill, but will be a goof in order to make everyone else comfortable. He says he’s competitive and stubborn, as negative qualities, but those help when you’re fighting for the love of your life.
Predictions: Will is a goofy sweetheart with a bit of a spicy side. He’s not into talking about heavy stuff really early on in a relationship, but I think he’ll make it far enough on his other qualities to be ready to get serious with JoJo when the time is right. Makes it past halfway for sure. .
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