Nothing attracts customers like some good old-fashioned shameless advertising. In the case of a relatively new Utah restaurant, this presents itself in the form of a statue of a bull with a gigantic penis.

People in the small town of Hurricane, Utah are currently enraged over the well-endowed statue hanging over Barista’s Restaurant, a new business that apparently has no problem flaunting a huge johnson for everyone to see. Citizens are so angry, in fact, that they have actually set up a petition to remove the poor animal’s genitals. God, I hope PETA gets in on this.

But wait, it gets better. The petition might not work because the city already approved the design for the bull statue, since the original blueprint was a three-inch drawing. Apparently the boner-to-bull proportions were not quite as significant in such a small sketch.

I, for one, am a huge fan of nudity. I think it’s hilarious, and anyone who is offended needs to find a new hobby that doesn’t include ruining erotic animal statues for those of us who were born with a sense of humor. I have a theory that the owner did all of this on purpose, which actually makes a ton of sense. Giving an angry bull a raging boner (pun intended) is a very efficient way of sparking general bull-like rage in the public.

The owner has heard complaints regarding his artistic taste, but has decided that the town is just full of communist haters who are out to get him.

“If I put Pinocchio up there, its nose would be too big. It’s me. It’s me. It’s not the bull. It’s not the restaurant. They don’t like me. But you know what, where does it say in the world, in the Constitution, that they can prevent me having the right to do legal commerce in the United States? That is my God-given right.”

God bless America, amiright?

[via StGeorgeNews]

Image via Fox13

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Lucky Jo

Lucky Jo is a former and current TSM writer who likes her men how she likes her coffee: way too hot and unforgivably bitter. She graduated from the University of Missouri in 2016, proving that C's do in fact get degrees. She now spends her days working for a social media marketing agency, hiking with her dachshund, and trying to bring back the scrunchie. Hate mail and goat memes can be sent to lucyjmulvihill@gmail.com.

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