All of Bachelor Nation – and, in fact, America – has fallen in love with Corinne, and for good reason. From broadcasting her platinum vagine to taking full advantage of the reality show’s open bar, Corinne has been not only the hero we need, but the hero we deserve. I’m not here today to thank Corinne just for her love of naps and nannies – although those are certainly some of her best attributes – but whether or not she realizes it, Corinne’s mere existence has provided a public benefit to every woman in existence: she’s made our men across the globe realize that we could really, actually, truly be worse.
She’s rude, catty, and vicious, which makes for great TV, but leaves the rest of us feeling empowered. Truly, even at Corinne’s absolute worst, she’s still not any worse than any of us have been in our group chats, but that doesn’t matter. Men everywhere are finally getting a glimpse of how a woman pushed to her limits can – and will – behave, and they are afraid. Very, very afraid. Corinne has shown all of our boyfriends the ability to which we’re able to successfully manipulate them, get rid of our competition, and use our sexuality to get each and every single thing we desire, all without staying awake for more than twelve hours a day. Now, they’re frightened, but even better – they’re starting to become a little thankful.
So, maybe you used your sleeping boyfriend’s fingerprint to open his phone and spent three hours in the middle of the night scrolling through all of his messages, photos, and DMs. Maybe you threw a fit about a guys’ night, asked him why he bought you a dress in a size up, or yelled at him in public because he asked for directions from the one girl wearing a low-cut top. Sure, that may seem “crazy,” and prior to this season of The Bachelor, that was the kind of behavior that could get a girl dumped faster than the time it takes to re-download Tinder.
However, now that Corinne’s behavior has been publicized and, even better, normalized? Crazy bitches everywhere can now breathe a sigh of relief because all of our boyfriends know that as insane as we may seem, at the very least, we’re not creating voodoo dolls of our enemies on national television and stomping on everyone in our path to secure the affections of a man. My boyfriend now knows that when I call his mom to make sure that he was there for Sunday dinner during the same time frame that he reported back to me, that at least I’m a little bit better than America’s favorite blonde villain.
If anything, Corinne isn’t a reality tv villain, but a true feminist hero giving us the keys we need in order to let our true selves shine in all of our relationships. Hate someone? Tell her, or better yet, cut her down in front of the man she loves. Want something? Use your wealth, manipulation tactics, and your sexuality to your advantage and watch all of your fantasies come true before your very eyes. No longer do we have to hide in fear of being labeled the ‘c’ word, because now that Corinne’s in the final four? We have free range to do anything and everything our hearts’ – or vagines’ – desire. Thanks to Corinne, we’ve been granted the superpower we’ve always wanted – the ability and the justification to be as crazy as we want – and I honestly can’t think of a bigger win for equality that’s every occurred in my lifetime. So Corinne, if you’re reading this, thank you for being you and for setting all of us free. Men, watch out, because your relationships are about to change, and not necessarily for the better (well, at least for you).
#teamcorn.
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RecruitmentChairTSM
RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at [email protected]
@TheRecruitChair
