5:47 PM- You’re impressed with your own ability to be ready this early. Yes, the game plan was to meet at the house at 5:15, but that was just wishful thinking. You decide to reward yourself with a shot, even though you don’t need it. You will be getting special Olympics drunk tonight.
6:09 PM- You arrive at the sorority house and head straight to your little’s room with bags full of sorority t-shirts and paraphernalia. You praise your little for having printed a copy of your senior will, because of course you forgot yours.
6:11 PM- You, your little, your grand little, and your great-grand little begin pre-gaming, along with your besties and their respective families.
6:35 PM- You have a steady buzz going, but yo’re careful not to get too shitfaced. After all, you have a long night ahead of you.
6:45 PM- Family photo shoot time.
7:03 PM- Your entire pledge class is now assembled in the living room, standing in front of the rest of your house. Your great grand little is seated in the front row of the younger girls, beaming at you with a mix of admiration and fear. You make a mental note to tell her you’re glad she’s part of the family. You will forget to do this.
7:06 PM- Senior will readings begin.
7:39 PM- After a solid combination of laughter and tears, senior wills conclude and you prepare for a photo shoot of your entire pledge class.
8:06 PM- After a considerable amount of happy crying and hugging, you leave the younger girls and head to your respective frat house starting points, because your buzz is wearing off.
8:34 PM- You’re finally with your team and your chosen coaches in full, ridiculous uniform. You look absolutely awesome (re: ridiculous) in your team’s Legends of the Hidden Temple themed getup. Your fraternity coaches have lived for this moment. Their camelbacks have been filled with whiskey, and it’s time to roll.
8:42 PM- You decide to boost team morale and do a round of shots. You then obviously need team pictures before the night can commence.
8:49 PM- One of your coaches decides to play Wagon Wheel. You rally, take a few more shots, and then it’s really time to go.
9:17 PM- Your team is heading towards blackout quicker than expected, but ready to hit the bars, nevertheless.
9:29 PM- Arrive at your starting bar and miraculously skip the line because the bouncer decided to have a heart tonight.
9:46 PM- It’s time to start checking off the tasks on your Bar Crawl list. After ordering a round of LITs, you pound them and proceed to provide photographic evidence of this. Your coaches are impressed. They check “chug LITs” off the list you’ve provided and attached to a bedazzled clipboard for them.
10:06 PM- You arrive at the second bar and order up a round of blowjob shots, which are disgusting. You do them, for posterity, and for the sake of your checklist. To make the moment better, you then decide to wash away the taste of Bailey’s with a round of your favorite shot.
10:40 PM- You’re still at the second bar, and your round of shots has turned into four rounds of shots.
10:49 PM- You’ve lost a member of your team to an ex-boyfriend on the dance floor. Fuck.
11:37 PM- After much coercing, you’ve pulled your friend away from her ex and back to your group. You take one more shot, for the road.
11:52 PM- You’ve finally arrived at the third bar and beeline it to get drinks even though you’re past the point of acceptably drunk at this point.
12:16 AM- For some reason, you’ve been coerced into taking shots of Rumplemintz. You’re pretty sure these were NOT on the checklist, but you can’t verify seeing as your coaches are drunker than half your team.
12:51 AM- You and your team decide you’re over this bar and the activities of the bar crawl and head back to the first bar, the pride of your campus.
1:18 AM- You are delighted to see that your entire pledge class has taken the same route.
1:39 AM- Your ex-boyfriend is here. Great. The only way you can come up with to avoid him is to make out with one of your team’s coaches, so you do.
1:58 AM- Not a great idea, but it was better than the alternative. He’s decided to buy you a shot. You win.
2:16 AM- Spoiler alert, that was 151. You might be dead.
2:22 AM- Last call. Jesus take the wheel.
4:29 AM- You stumble back to your house with your besties arm in arm and decide to order drunk food, just like it’s freshman year in the dorms again. You were unsuccessful in getting into your freshman year dorm, which would have been way more authentic, so you’re going to have to compromise.
5:16 AM- You’re listening to songs from freshman year, finishing what’s left of the vodka in your freezer (which is not necessary because you’re all on planet blackout), and reminiscing on the good old days.
5:24 AM- The most sentimental of the group starts crying, because she’s the first to realize that THIS IS IT. In a mere week, you’ll all be taking pictures in front of your sorority house one last time, and this time, you’ll be in a cap and gown.
5:26 AM- Commence a group sobfest filled with hugging and screaming “I love you.”
9:28 AM- Wake up on the floor of your living room. Your roommates are sprawled out haphazardly across the floor and various pieces of furniture. You have the worst headache of your life. You’re 99% positive you’re still blacked out.
9:31 AM- You’re settled back in your bed after taking 4 Advil and chugging a bottle of water.
1:54 PM- You’re awake, and you have the worst hangover of your life. It was totally fucking worth it.