There are certain questions that define you. Are you a Jackie or a Marilyn? A Betty or a Veronica? A Serena or a Blair? “Gossip Girl” might be gone, but we will never forget Blair Waldorf. No other show dealt with ex-husbands giving their socialite wives fake cancer, almost incest, Little J’s awful eye makeup, and a cyber stalker whose hair was so big because it was full of secrets (talking to you, Dan).
My sorority’s slideshow was “Gossip Girl”-themed for years, because who doesn’t dream of the Upper East Side? After a particularly excessive “GG” Netflix binge, I’m always surprised when I don’t wake up there. All I want is to move to New York and have my life be more like “Gossip Girl” than “Girls.” Right now I’m an amateur Blair Waldorf impersonator, but I’m looking to take my skills to the next level.
While Blair seemed uptight, by the season finale, there were four men at her wedding and she had boned all of them. Blair Cornelia Waldorf redefines “lady in the street but a freak in the bed” (or limo). She might be an insecure ice queen with a penchant for manipulation, but she gets what she wants. She’s the only woman in the world who could save recovering douchebag Chuck Bass from an illicit life of leisure that would inevitably lead to him catching something. The show jumped the shark in a serious way, from Blair’s affair with Lonely Boy to her prince pregnancy, but “Gossip Girl” created an icon. Here are five reasons my life goal is to become Blair Waldorf.
1. Keep Your Friends Close And Your Enemies Closer
Whether Blair was dealing with Serena, Little J, Vanessa, or the head case turned Jesus freak Georgina, she knew who to trust: Dorota. I’m still mad she wasn’t “Gossip Girl.” It would have been the ultimate act of betrayal, but she did know all the dirt.
2. Whoever Said Money Can’t Buy Happiness Didn’t Know Where To Shop
Blair knew the secret to overcoming any obstacle was by going on shopping excursions that rivaled Cher’s in “Clueless.” Her headband game was on point, and while her preppy mixture of patterns could have gone wrong, she made it work. Serena regularly wore spandex Herve dresses that looked like they could have come from Forever 21. Blair knew style, and she and Chuck made the perfect ascot-wearing, headband-donning couple.
3. It Takes Years To Reform A (B)asshole
Despite the fact that Chuck Bass was an attempted rapist and pimp–he did, after all, sell Blair for a hotel–after uttering “I’m Chuck Bass,” he convinced the viewers, and Blair, that everyone deserves love. In the books, he was a maybe gay guy with a monkey, but in the show, Chair’s chemistry was off the charts. He convinced the always buttoned up Blair to go rogue regularly. If you’ve dealt with your own personal Chuck Bass, you know that it doesn’t always (okay, ever) have a happy ending. That’s why it’s so satisfying (albeit unrealistic) to see them get their own.
4. Fairytales Are Real
It was inevitable that Queen B would trade her headband for a tiara. Unfortunately, her fairytale prince was more of a toad with a bad accent. Prince Lou-eeee went from bad to worse. In fact, Lou-eeee was so bad that Blair eventually chose Lonely Boy over him. Now that’s desperation.
5. Destiny Is For Losers
Blair basically dropped out of college to pursue her dream of becoming royalty. Despite the fact that all of the characters were mega-legacies and obsessed with rankings, after a minute at college it was never spoken of again. Let’s be honest, there is no way they would have the AP credits to graduate in less than four years. Serena bopped around boarding schools and maybe murdered someone on a cocaine binge/threesome escapade. There’s no way girlfriend ever had AP credits at all, unless Chuck bought some for her, along with her SAT scores.
In the Serena versus Blair showdown, the clear winner was Queen B. Unlike Serena, Blair worked hard for everything, even if it involved being mean to her minions. While Serena was handed her entire life on a silver platter, along with lines, Blair always wanted more. With her affinity for everything preppy and perfect, her ability to reform a rogue, and her constant need to overachieve, she’s everything a sorority girl aspires to be.
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Fleur de Lilly
Fleur de Lilly (@margaretabrams) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move and Post Grad Problems. When she's not corrupting her big's baby, she can be found decoding texts, gravitating towards raised surfaces, and spending time with her gentleman caller, Jack Daniels. She loves Lilly, Louisiana, and her lineage.
@margaretabrams
@margaretabrams
