“So yeah,” my friend finished as she took a sip of her third mimosa and concluded her long-winded shit talking of our mutual friend. “It’s just that ever since she started dating Tim, I literally never see her. He’s totally taken over her life. Ugh, whatever,” she pouted at her phone as the story ended and I sat back, trying to decide what to say.
On one hand, I get it. It’s annoying that our friend, Stacy, went sort of MIA since she started dating Tim. I know what I’m supposed to say. I’m supposed to agree with her. I’m supposed to call Stacy dumb for dumping her attention into her relationship and for blowing us off more and more, and I’m also probably supposed to say something bitchy about how he’s not even that cute or something. But the thing is, Tim is actually pretty great. He has a smart major, is funny, and actually seems like a good guy. So as I open my mouth to say all of the right things, I just can’t do it. Because the truth is, I am sooooo over girls bitching about their friends having boyfriends. Because do you know what?
It’s time to fucking accept that she has a guy and move on.
I know that seems harsh. I know it seems anti-feminist or anti-friendish or whatever but frankly, I don’t care. Because the truth is, as we get older, we’re going to be hanging out with the people we’re dating more and more and our friends less. Because guess what? As you get older you start thinking about things like engagements, and marriage, and lifelong commitments. You realize that to find out if you want to sign a legally binding contract to be with one person for the rest of your life, you should probably hang out with him a lot.
And to do that? You have to prioritize. And it sucks to be on that end. Your friends ask you to go to the bar but you feel like you should stay home with your boyfriend and cook together. No, it’s not the most exciting thing in the world, but you’re fine with it because you *enjoy* it. And if you do go out you want to bring your boyfriend. Do you know why? All of your friends are going out to flirt with guys and win one over, but you already did that. You already put in that work. So yeah. You’ve changed. Because why the hell would you want to go out every night, turn guys down, and watch as your friends go home with randoms when you could be cuddled up with someone who you know loves you? When you can skip all of that because you already *did* all of that?
Sure. Maybe Stacy would still like to go out every single weekend. But maybe she realizes she needs to do shit with her boyfriend a little more and drink with random guys and her single friends less. Or maybe she just hates going out now (respect). Whichever it is, the point is: if you’re good enough friends with her, you’ll understand that things are changing. You can’t expect to go to Ladies Night with all of your friends every week as more and more people are posting engagement announcements and moving across the country with their significant others and their newly adopted golden doodles.
So when your friend gets a boyfriend stop. being. a. bitch. about. it.
I know, I know. He’s stealing her. She’s neglecting you. You’re “her person.” But no. None of it is true. She might marry him. Or spend her life with him. Not you. She’s not looking to potentially marry you. And she’s not neglecting you.
You have to change your expectations of what she can give you.
Sure, if she cancels every plan and never talks to you, then maybe your friendship has run its course. This happens. Maybe she really *is* being a little bitch about her boyfriend. But have you ever considered that she’s just doing something different? That every aspect of her life doesn’t have to revolve around you? That this is inevitable, and someday you’ll be the friend canceling plans to have a date night with your guy?
Because the thing is, you’re not her only person anymore. And instead of being bitter or jealous or trying to “win her back,” you need to accept that people grow up and relationships change. At different stages of your life, you have different friendships. If yours is strong enough, it will evolve and morph into something else as you both reach different life milestones. If it doesn’t, then you need to either change your expectations or be willing to let that friendship end. She’s not being a bitch for having a boyfriend, you’re being a bitch for not accepting it..
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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