Valentine’s Day can be a tricky holiday for all parties involved. Guys buckle under the immense pressure of having to get their girlfriends something thoughtful, girls have anxiety about buying their boyfriends boxes of chocolate because they know they are going to end up eating it all, and single people want to die. If you are one of those single people who want to make it through the day without contemplating your own death, I recommend you look toward the light at the end of the tunnel, and all the things that are better than being in a relationship on Valentine’s Day.
Romantic Movie Marathons
The great thing about the movie marathons that play on Valentine’s Day is that they are all fake! And even if they are based on a true story or whatever, you can spend two hours getting emotionally invested in someone else’s relationship that you totally forget that you don’t have one of your own! And in the end, no one is actually heartbroken because you are single and those actors don’t give a shit.
Chocolate and Stuffed Animals That Go On Sale The Day After
You don’t have anyone that is going to take time out of their day to buy you chocolate and a little teddy bear, but that’s okay. Just wait one day, and you can go to your nearest Walmart or CVS and buy every box of chocolate and every teddy bear in the store for half the regular price!
Having An Anti-Valentines Day Party
You and your closest single, bitter friends all get together to drink excessive amounts of alcohol to make you forget that you might just in fact die alone. But, who really is dying alone when you have José Quervo at your side? Loyal. Faithful. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. All you need out of a relationship.
Hate Stalking
There ain’t nothing better than finding out your ex and his new girlfriend broke up just in time for Valentine’s Day. You don’t know why, but you can come up with some pretty great scenarios in your head. He didn’t love her so he didn’t want to spend money on her. She realized he’s a bipolar freak. He can’t stop thinking about me. The list goes on and on, and probably all the above are true. You may be single, but at least you’re not freshly heartbroken.
Your Bed
Has your bed ever made you cry? Nope. Quite the opposite. Your bed is always there for you. Always welcomes you with open arms. Always down to stay in with you on a Saturday night and binge eat six tubs of ice cream. Your bed will never break your heart. Unless your bed actually breaks. But the good news is that unlike loving, caring people, beds are replaceable. Not that you would know what it was like to be loved or cared about by a significant other, but you get the point.
So happy Valentine’s Day to all my fellow single people in the universe. If you need me, I’ll be in my bed, watching the romantic movie marathons, with my bottle of Josè Quervo, hate stalking during commercials, and daydreaming about going to CVS the next day. While all the couples out there wait two hours for their reservations at Olive Garden. I’ll pass..
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