I woke up this morning feeling particularly rough. I was in day two of my atrocious hangover due to an unplanned Sunday Funday that involved a classy, bottomless mimosa brunch in the morning and a vodka-fueled visit to a strip club in the afternoon. I lost my phone, my checkbook, and my dignity. It was bad.
I was on the phone with the bank when I saw it, like angels descending onto Earth, a beacon of light appeared, Amanda Bynes was in the psych ward.
“Gotta go, Samir,” I yelled, hanging up on my new friend from Bangladesh. My personal finances could wait, Amanda Bynes could not.
Allegedly (and I say allegedly because we all know how much home girl loves her lawyers), Bynes was caught starting a fire on a complete stranger’s driveway in Thousand Oaks, California.
I’ll let that sink in for a minute.
Bynes, according to TMZ, began full-on terrorizing the Thousand Oaks community (her hometown) this past Sunday when she was accused of trespassing at a retirement home. You know, because it’s all the rage these days.
Anyway, Bynes apparently sauntered up to the retirement home in what I imagine to be her plastic blonde wig and her all white, Dr. Evil-esque, sweat suit. She claimed that she was there to visit a relative of hers but authorities decided she was too drunk to be there. After calling her a cab, Bynes agreed to leave, but realized that she did not have any money to pay for it. Thus, she stumbled (allegedly!) back into the home. The director, clearly not caring that he/she would soon be called ugly on Twitter, called the police. Bynes left the home and was not arrested for this event.
Fast forward to Monday night. Bynes returned to her childhood community, but this time, she was not there to play Never Have I Ever with Betty and Frank at the retirement home. Oh no, she was there to put on a show.
Bynes is said to have walked up to a random person’s driveway and just fucking lit the thing on fire. Why, you ask? Why the fuck not?
The police were subsequently called and crazy (allegedly!), old Amanda was questioned. Likely having followed her Twitter rants and use of small animals as paparazzi blockers over the past fifteen months, police decided to put her ass in a mental hospital. She could be there for up to 72 hours.
Following this tragic downward spiral and clear cry for help, there are two questions on everyone’s mind:
1. Who among us didn’t see this coming?
2. Do you think they’ll let her tweet in the psych ward?
[via Fox News]
Image via Vigilant Citizen
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Catie Warren
From Rush To Rehab (@catie__warren) is a semi-fuctioning adult who has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with TSM, Rehab was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
