An All Too Honest, Real-Time Play-By-Play Of Your Pre-Class Starbucks Run

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8:23 a.m.: Approach the Starbucks near campus. Really hope there isn’t a line since class starts in 22 minutes.
8:24 a.m.: Clearly this was a pointless hope. The line is 15 people deep. Wedge between the door and the display case of coffee and CDs at the end of the line. Wonder who buys CDs at Starbucks.
8:25 a.m.: Take out phone and check email. See four exec board emails marked urgent. Don’t read them before caffeine. Close email.
8:26 a.m.: Notice the older guy three people ahead in line is quite cute and wearing an expensive suit. Sugar daddy potential? Start to mentally will him to take his left hand out of his pocket. Come on, come on…dammit. Wedding ring.
8:27 a.m.: Ten people away from the register and the bagel supply looks low. Start to consider other options. Low-fat blueberry muffin or cheese danish? Danish wins; diet can start tomorrow.
8:28 a.m.: Look at artfully displayed basket of ground coffee and contemplate buying coffee to make at home and actually try to be on time for class. Laugh out loud for thinking I will actually make coffee at home. Look around to make sure no one noticed laughing.
8:29 a.m.: At the counter. Order grande, iced, sugar-free, vanilla latte with soy milk. Wonder why cashier gives me a dirty look while rooting around in wallet for Starbucks gift card Mom gave me.
8:30 a.m.: Join the crowd of people in the pick-up area. Speculate why waiting area is always so small. Compose mental tweet to Starbucks Corporate about issue.
8:31 a.m.: Eat entire cheese danish while waiting. Debate buying another danish.
8:32 a.m.: Open Tinder. Look around for anyone who is “less than one mile away.” Come up with witty line if he is actually in Starbucks: “Hey, I’m at Starbucks, too. Want to meet for coffee?”
8:33 a.m.: Mysteriously unmatched from four guys who are “less than one mile away.”
8:34 a.m.: Open Facebook. Timeline full of high school friends’ babies and weddings. Close Facebook.
8:35 a.m.: Begin to stare down the baristas. The next drink out better be mine, you coffee-making genius bastards.
8:36 a.m.: Hear a name that’s sort of like mine. Decide to grab it and hope for the best.
8:38 a.m.: Proceed to cream and sugar area to add four Splendas to coffee, but am too afraid to request for fear of being judged.
8:39 a.m.: Wait for two ladies to doctor their drinks to clear cream and sugar area. Think maybe I need to start drinking black coffee in interest of saving time. Not gonna happen.
8:40 a.m.: Finally sip caffeinated, Splenda-ed bliss.
8:41 a.m.: Look at phone and realize I have four minutes to make it across campus to class.
8:42 a.m. to 8:44 a.m.: Awkward run-walk across campus. Try not to spill coffee on new dress because I forgot to take one of those stopper thingies.
8:45 a.m.: Slip into seat in classroom, coffee-stain free. Now when will the caffeine kick in?

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, and documenting her love of all things cheese related. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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