An Easy Checklist For Finding The Perfect Mate

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Love. We’re all looking for it. We all want it. But we all have priorities. We don’t want to just hand over our heart to any blue-blooded, American frat boy. Men and women both search for specific things when it comes to looking for a significant other, a mate, and hopefully, a life partner. Because of this, I have compiled an easy to use checklist when it comes to looking for traits in the perfect mate.

What Women Want In A Man: 

  1. Tall.
  2. Like, I can wear heels and not be taller than him tall.
  3. Hair that can pull off the sexy, tasseled look.
  4. Hair that can pull off the smooth, combed to the side, Fratsby look.
  5. Dandruff-free hair.
  6. Impeccable personal hygiene.
  7. The hedges should be under control, if you get my drift.
  8. If he, like, did legitimate yard work, that would be cool, too.
  9. He tells me I’m pretty. All. The. Time.
  10. He surprises me with flowers, wine, and puppies.
  11. He never lets me pay for my own drinks.
  12. Or food.
  13. Or shoes. Or bags. Or watches.
  14. He texts me every morning and night, even when he’s having a boys’ night.
  15. Just kidding, he doesn’t go to boys’ night.
  16. He doesn’t look at other girls.
  17. He actually doesn’t even talk to other girls. At all.
  18. He sets up romantic dates, like food and Netflix.
  19. Oh, and he lets me use his Netflix account.
  20. He holds doors and bags and his liquor.
  21. He is super into surfing–or at least, like, looking sexy on the beach.
  22. But he doesn’t realize how sexy he is.
  23. Because he’s not conceited.
  24. He cooks and cleans and gives foot rubs.
  25. And he just loves doing the tongue tango (Yes, I mean vagina licking).
  26. He’s in a top tier frat but acts like he’s a normal, nice guy.
  27. He volunteers to help needy children and animals.
  28. He knows how to build things with his hands.
  29. Biceps.
  30. Abs.
  31. He wears jeans and a white T-shit when doing man things, like chopping wood.
  32. Oh yeah, he also chops wood.
  33. He wears suits and takes you to super nice places, like red carpet events and formals.
  34. He makes it FBO before you do.
  35. He is #blessed and makes sure everyone knows it on social media.
  36.  He’s, like, really smart.
  37. And funny. He could do standup but he’s too modest.
  38. He packs a lot in the pants department.
  39. He also wears nice pants.
  40. He tells you all the time how much he loves you and he makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He’s your best friend, and you two laugh and dance and kiss in the rain while holding hands or riding horses on the beach into the sunset of forever.

What Men Want In A Woman: 

  1. She has a vagina.
  2. She lets him put his penis in her vagina.
  3. She makes him sandwiches.

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Rachel Varina

(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.

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