Being a twenty-something is actually pretty hard. You’re finally an adult, but you still handle money like a child. For the first time ever you have to pay for everything, and sometimes it (selfishly) feels like you have nothing. You wish you had someone to pay for a lifestyle you dream of, and somedays you wonder what it would cost to actually do that.
A good friend of mine decided to figure it out. After years of thought, hesitation, and questioning, she decided to become a “sugar baby.”
This isn’t a new concept. Dating a rich, older guy for money, gifts, and a lavish life is old news. The thing is, I had never heard of anyone actually doing it. It just seems so… weird. Do you hook up with 70-year-old men? Do you always get paid? Is it safe? So, when one of my best friends decided to give it a go, I needed ALL of the details. Part of me was horrified, and part of me was jealous, but mostly, I was just fascinated. She agreed to share what it’s like to have a sugar daddy to any and all readers considering it, against it, or are just plain curious.
What made you decided to get into this?
There are a few reasons. Initially it was curiosity. I had a Seeking profile years before I ever acted on it. It was always just a fleeting thought. Eventually I had the guts to meet a few [guys], but they never went anywhere.
When I finally decided to do it for real, it was a combination of things: I had just moved to a new city so I didn’t know anyone, I wasn’t happy with my boyfriend anymore, and I wanted someone who was able to take care of me.
At first when I started looking into this I was young, only 18. By the time I met up with the first guy that I decided to go through with, I was 22. Big difference. Girls, whether they’ll admit it or not, have at least once used sex as a tool to get something they want. This situation isn’t any different. Also, I’ve hooked up with people I regretted for free, I might as well capitalize on it.
What was the first time you met with a sugar daddy (SD) like?
I was terrified. Not for my safety, but just the whole situation. I mean meeting a complete stranger and what do you talk about, etc. I let a couple of my best friends know where I was going and what I was up to (ALWAYS let someone you trust know exactly where you are). I also advise meeting at Starbucks.
Everything went well, though. I was definitely not into him, but it was good experience. He was nice and easy to talk to, but really short which was a huge deal-breaker (sorry).
Are you expected to sleep with them? If so, what’s that like? Is it weird?
There’s obviously an expectation. No one is going to invest their time and money in you to be pals. Having said that, if you meet up and either of you decides you’re not into it, you’re not forced.
Each arrangement, however, is different. Even with someone that I have slept with before, we don’t necessarily sleep together every time I see them. Sometimes we just go to dinner and that’s it. I only had one guy that was strictly sex. Sometimes I would go on my lunch break and spend like 15 minutes with him and then go back to work. I saw him maybe four times a week and he was giving me on average about $5,000 a month.
But I have to ask… How’s the sex?
The sex is great because they’re so much more experienced. Also, they care a lot more about my needs than their own. Guys my own age are all about getting it in and it feeling good for them. The entire basis of the relationship is that these men value women so much. I think that speaks for itself.
What have you gotten out of the experience (monetarily, gifts, travel, etc.)
Everything. I’ve had guys give me cash gifts like in a traditional arrangement (called an allowance). This usually starts with an amount per meet and then once you establish trust it becomes a monthly thing. I don’t take every offer, though. Some of them have been really good too. I had one offer for $12,000/month plus an expense card and a company car. It’s ridiculous. I had someone buy me a first-class ticket roundtrip to London. I’ve been flown to Vegas, Florida, Chicago, L.A., Palm Springs… all over. I’ve been to the nicest restaurants, been taken shopping, gotten my hair/nails done. It’s amazing
What have you gotten out of the experience (emotionally)?
I’ve met some really great people. I’ve stayed good friends with some of the guys and we still talk. I’ve met friends through them as well. Granted, these friends have no idea that we met each other on Seeking. But still, it’s been really great for me.
Have you met any weird, possessive, or creepy guys?
No more than I have in my regular life.
What has been the worst thing about this experience?
I think the worst thing is perception and the stigma that goes along with it. It’s not bad. I’m not being forced. This is my choice. And this is something that has been going on since the beginning of time.
Do you have any regrets in your decision to become a sugar baby?
No way! I’ve met some really great people and had a lot of fun. Not just the guys from the site either. Some of them have brought me into their social circles and I’ve made other friends that way. I think the key is not to force it. It’s not for everyone. It also doesn’t come in one size. There are guys I’ve never gotten money from. We’ve just gone to dinner, movies, etc. I think you just need to go into this with an open mind. If you start out thinking ‘I’m not giving anyone my time unless I’m getting at least $5000/month,’ well then you’re closing a lot of doors for yourself.
How long do you think you’ll do this? And what would you tell any women considering it?
I don’t think I’ll do this forever but probably for a while. I’m young and I’m having fun. I get to travel and my life gets made a little easier. Plus it’s not all creepy old men. The guys I meet are in their 30s and 40s. I’ve learned a lot from doing this. I’ve become more open-minded and accepting and I’m looking forward to what tomorrow brings.
My advice to anyone considering this is first and foremost BE SAFE. Someone I trust always knows exactly where I am, who I’m with, and I keep them updated. Also, don’t settle. I don’t always have a SD. This isn’t my job and I’m not desperate. This is all supplemental. And you get to be picky, so enjoy it. You deserve it..
Image via Shutterstock
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Rachel Varina
(yeahokaywhat) Aspiring to be the next Tina Fey, Rachel spends her free time doing nothing to reach that goal. While judging people based on how they use "they're" vs. "there" on social media, she likes eating buffalo chicken dip, watching other people's Netflix, and wearing sweatpants way more than is socially acceptable.
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