This is your interactive guide to find out if you are drunk enough. I would suggest bookmarking this on your browser, taking a screenshot on your phone, and printing it out to keep with you at all times, but hey, that’s just me. Let’s begin!
How many drinks have you had? If you can answer this question without having to stop, think, and use your fingers to count them, then you need another beer. If you’ve already lost count of your drink consumption and aren’t really concerned, then you can move on.
Did someone say Jägerbomb? If your first instinct is to pass this up, you definitely need another beer to get on the same level as your peers. If you’re the one who suggested a round of Jägerbombs, then you’re the real MVP. Let’s just hope they’re on special!
Ugh, that girl you hate is giving you a dirty look. If you don’t have enough liquid courage to give her a piece of your mind, then you 100 percent need another beer. Scoot on up to the bar, honey. If you’re already one step ahead and giving her your meanest death glare while whispering into your best friend’s ear to appear as if you’re talking mad shit (when you’re actually telling her that you really miss your dog and wish he could text) then you are winning this game. Fuck the haters.
You see a guy who you think is kind of hot. If you do a double-take and you decide he really isn’t that hot, you need another beer. But, if your beer goggles are on and you can’t get over the fact that he looks exactly like Ashton Kutcher, then job well done! You can move on.
You decide to talk to him, because why not? You use your go-to conversation starter: “Are you in a frat?” If he says no, then back away slowly until you reach the bar and order yourself a cold one. If he’s an alumnus, then nice work! That must mean he’s older, wiser, and independently wealthy.
You are so hungry and all you can think about is food. Then again, why would you waste the calories if you can keep drinking? If you have your shit together enough to start a tab, then you should probably order a beer with those shots. If you can’t remember if you have a tab open and your credit card is MIA, then you need to figure out that shit real quick. Minor speed bump, but it’s been a really good night so far, so no worries.
Those Jägerbombs from earlier really hit you hard and you aren’t really sure what is going on. You know you went to the bathroom, but you aren’t sure if you threw up or not. I mean, it would be pretty obvious if you did, right? If your friends reassure you that you didn’t, then game on–go grab yourself another beer. It’s about to be last call! And while you’re up there, close your tab. If you think you maybe did throw up, then it’s time to go home. When you get home, make sure to grab yourself a bowl of cereal before going up to your room. Also, you should probably pass out in your roommate’s bed, because sleepovers are one of the quintessential building blocks of friendship. Everyone knows that. And no one likes to wake up alone–including her–so technically, you are just being a really good friend. Bonus friend points if you steal a pair of shorts plus a T-shirt from her and wear them to bed..