Welcome back to Ask Hot Piece. Real advice from a neutral party about boys, besties, blackouts, and everything in between. E-mail me any time (firstname.lastname@example.org) and the columns will come out weekly.
There is a new sorority colonizing at my school this year and I don’t know anything about it since it’s new. Do you think it’s worth it to check it out? How can you tell before joining it what the girls are going to be like or if it’s going to be a good one? Do you think it will still be as special joining a new one as it would be joining an already established one? I really don’t know much about “new” sororities so I’m nervous to rush/join it.
That’s the thing about new sororities – you don’t know what the girls will be like. As far as it being “good,” I think most new sororities kind of float around somewhere in the middle in terms of reputation. They haven’t earned the title of a “top tier,” and it may take a few years to get there, if it ever does, but it goes both ways; they also can’t be deemed ugly weirdos because no one knows anything about them. The members as it is starting out is often an enigma because girls from other schools come in to do the recruiting and sorority reputations vary from school to school. I don’t know how they’re recruiting at your school, but when there were colonies at mine, that process happened after formal recruitment. I would say go through formal recruitment, see what happens, and you can decide if you’d rather try and join the new one. There are def some setbacks about being new since no one in the organization has been in a sorority, but you get to be a founding sister, which is pretty bad ass.
So I was seeing this super perfect guy last semester: gorgeous, great taste, funny, chivalrous, came from a great family and was really close to them, etc. We always had a blast together and had great hook ups. However, he is your typical fratty player type that had a reputation for sleeping around and just sucking when it came to relationships. BUT, i know for a fact that I was the only one he was seeing when we became involved and he always told me he liked me and even introduced me to his family (which is a big deal for him). Once Summer hit and he left he said we would keep in touch and so i thought a phone call a couple weeks, never expected more than that. I didn’t hear from him once. I tried getting a hold of him a couple times after not hearing form him for a few weeks into break, but gave up once I realized I wasn’t going to get a response. Now school is approaching and he has started blowing me up again. Im really hurt and confused. I want to answer to hear his excuse for ignoring me, but I’m also not dumb and know he doesn’t really deserve it. I really just have no idea how to approach this situation–do i just wait until i run into him on campus, do i answer his calls…? I do miss him, i just don’t want to be dumb. HELP!
Girl, you know my answer. And I know you’re not going to listen to it. You literally said “I want to hear his excuse for ignoring me.” You know it will be an excuse, and you’re hoping it’s a good enough one to convince you it’s okay to keep hooking up with him. He blew you off ALL summer and is expecting you to just be right back when it’s convenient. He probably had a girl at home over the summer. And I know “but he really liked me!” Probably. I’m sure he did. However, he didn’t like you enough. Think about when you like somebody; you want to be in touch with him every chance you get. He didn’t do that. I really think you shouldn’t allow him to explain himself, because anything he says is going to be bull, and you, my dear, are weak for him and will willingly believe his lies. And you know that. You’re going to take him back and show him that he can treat you that badly and it’s fine, and it will be a horrible cycle – you’ll be a lot more sad than you will be happy if that happens. TRUST ME.
Soo I need advice about GDI friends. My non-Greek friends just don’t get the whole sorority thing and get annoyed/angry/confused whenever I talk about my sisters, my chapter, or anything sorority related at all. And whenever I try to mix my GDI friends and sisters in social situations, it’s borderline disastrous. Help! How do I get my friends to understand how important greek life is to me without coming across as a total bitch?
I don’t think it’s bitchy at all to tell them that this is something that’s important to you. They are being bitchy for being judgmental. I think you can just talk to them about it, and tell them, you know they don’t really get it or like your sisters, but they’re important to you and it hurts you when they’re blatantly unaccepting of something that’s such a big part of your life. However, if they’re still unwelcoming, I’d just try and keep your two crews separate.
I’m a Freshmen and decided to rush this fall. I didn’t get the sorority I wanted and I’m not exactly fond of the one I’m in. I was wondering if dropping this bid and waiting until next year to try again was an okay or a bitchy move. Should I just drop and not rush again at all?
This really breaks my heart. I don’t know why anyone would want to rush again. There’s no reason, in my opinion, to chase after a group of girls who didn’t want you. Sororities are normally notified if you’re a re-rush anyway. Recruitment is tough enough as a PNM, and I honestly have a tough time believing you loved some other sorority so much that you can’t be happy anywhere else. I think you’re stuck on reputation, which is NOT what being in a sorority is about. I full-heartedly believe you should stick things out with the bid you have. I know TONS of girls who weren’t stoked about the sorority they got into, but grew to love it. Honestly, any sorority you’re in, you can find a group of girls who are special to you and who will become your best friends. Which one isn’t as important as it seems, you just think it is because you’re a freshman and popularity mattered in high school. Rankings are only important during recruitment and courting, the rest of the time, if it’s your focus, you’re in it for the wrong reason. I promise you, if you just stick around for a little, you’ll grow to love your sorority, and in four years from now, you’ll look back on this and think it’s CRAZY that you ever wanted that other house because your sisters will be the most incredible people you’ve ever met.
Last year, I joined a ton of organizations, including my sorority. I am still involved in most of the clubs I joined last year, and I ended up living with 4 girls from the same club who aren’t from my sorority. We all became incredibly close last semester and I was so excited to live with them this fall. Suddenly, one of my roommates and my relationship became tense. We’re both used to being the center of attention and making everyone laugh and love us, but lately she seems to be doing it…better. I can tell I’m jealous, which is where my end of the tension is coming from, and I think she is hostile toward me because I spread my time energy across a bunch of organizations–especially my sorority–whereas she and my other roommates have devoted their time to just one or two. I can tell she thinks I’m putting everything else on the back burning to focus on my sorority and not taking all of my other commitments seriously. It’s starting to make me feel ostracized by everyone else because I think my roommates would take her side should anything go wrong. Both of us are pretty passive aggressive, so I don’t know how to fix it. Is it something I need to work on internally first, like changing my thoughts and opinions toward her and rebuilding my self-esteem? Or should I go ahead and talk to her and try to clear the air?
I am the EXACT same way. Attention whoring ain’t easy. I think you should talk to her. I always promote talking things out, especially in a situation where you don’t feel you’d be supported if there was a big argument. And you can even admit to her that you feel you’re acting a little out of character because you feel jealous. I think owning up to how you’re making the situation worse is always a good thing, because it kind of takes away any feeling like you’re attacking her. There probably is some internal shit you can be working on, but that’s hard to do, and if you don’t talk it out, I think your negative feelings will fester and build rather than resolve. I also think something that’s important to realize though is this. You are assuming she thinks you’re focusing only on your sorority…is that possibly because you are putting everything else on the backburner? Think about that pledge sister who just never comes to anything and you’re like “surpriseeee, Kara’s not here. Whatever. I’m like over her.” Of course, I don’t think it’s intentional, but maybe you should be trying to make a bigger effort to focus on this organization that your roommates are in and figure out if you’re spreading yourself too thin.
I’m a senior in high school and my, now ex, boyfriend is a freshmen at an sec college. We were dating for about 7 months when it was time for him to go off to college. His biggest concern was making sure that I didn’t walk around my senior year sad because he couldn’t be there with me. I thought I was doing okay but he had been texting one of his friends who has the same classes as me, and apparently I was clearly upset 24/7. So, he came home a few days ago and broke it off, for me, and because he doesn’t have the time for a full time relationship. He promises that I’m still his best friend and that he loves me a ton and doesn’t want anyone else. I know his life has changed, living on his own and pledging for a fraternity is probably making him stressed. The whole thing doesn’t make sense to me though. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that mushy cliche stuff, right? So why not fight for our relationship. Did being in the fraternity change him? Did he brake it off for him but use my sadness as an excuse? He says this break up isn’t forever, but what happens if we get back together and he just doesn’t have time anymore? Please help, all my friends are saying he’s a douche and he’s lying and I don’t want to think that.
Long distance is super tough, and I’m pretty sure the break-up date is something like October 19. Like if you make it passed then, you won’t break up for distance. May be an old wive’s tale. Anyway, I’m going to have to agree with your friends. You said you were fine….He didn’t break up with you because you were sad. I know this is hard for you to understand because you’re not experiencing it, but he is in a place that’s all new and fun and exciting and (don’t freak out) it’s a little inconvenient to have someone to need to check in with and stuff. Plus, he’s super busy with pledging. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t care about you, but he’s at a time in his life right now where it really is best for him to be single. You’ll see next year. I really don’t think it was all that douchey of him either. Of course you’re hurt, but he didn’t cheat on you, he came home to do it face-to-face, and he tried to let you down as nicely as he knew how. I know you’re hurting right now but also like…you’re 17. You have SO much life ahead of you, might as well enjoy your senior year and not harp on him.