Welcome back to Ask Hot Piece. Real advice from a neutral party about boys, besties, blackouts, and everything in between. E-mail me any time (tsm@grandex.co) and the columns will come out weekly.
Okay! So this all started a few weeks ago, but my little started hanging out with my big a lot, and when I say a lot, I mean, like connected at the hip. They even went out and bought matching game day dresses with matching cowboy boots, and I’m all for dressing like my sisters with matching t-shirts, but that’s taking it a little too far. My big and my little just got out of their relationships about at the same time so they have been going out on black out binges from after chapter on Wednesdays until Saturday nights, and I would like to spend more time with them, but I need to put my education first, and being on the lacrosse team, I can’t go out every night. Now my little is constantly calling and texting my big. And before my little became my little, I thought she only wanted to be my little so she could hang out with my big more often. And I kind of had a mental break down about that at my boyfriend’s apartment, but nothing a bottle (box) of wine can’t fix. I’ve talked to both of them about how I’ve been feeling about not being included, and they both told me that they didn’t mean to not include me, but as of recently, they’ve been completely ignoring me, so much so I don’t want to go back to my house. I really don’t want to be THAT girl that never sleeps in her own bed and just stays at her boyfriend’s place every night. It’s not like I don’t have other people to hang out with, but I would really like to be closer and more involved with my family. So, I was just wondering how should I bring it up, again, without making it seem like I’m horribly upset about it?
This is a really common thing actually. Not like really really common, but it still happens more than you think that g-big/g-littles bond without the girl connecting them. Normally it happens when the middle girl is really absent or has a boyfriend or something…and you seem to be that way. It happens when the original big/little connection doesn’t occur with your actual big or little, so some girls seek it with their g-little/g-big. Honestly, the problem of you not having a great connection with them probably already existed, it’s just only starting to bother you now because they found it in each other and you’re feeling left out. I’m not sure there’s a remedy necessarily for strengthening your relationship. You could try to specifically organize things between the three of you, but I’d say the best way to start it is by strengthening your relationships with each of them individually first. It doesn’t have to be going out, but just try and make time for them and get close with them. If it never happens, you will still find that relationship with someone in your sorority…your g-little, you can take another little, adopt an orphaned little whose big disaffiliated…you’re not the only person who doesn’t have a perfect relationship with her fam, I promise…it just feels that way.
So I’m in a bind, and this isn’t something I can ask my sisters about or even my big. It has to do with my two littles. My first little I volunteered to take her since no one even remembered her during recruitment. My little this year is perfect in every way shape or form.
Last year my little and I weren’t even close, she had hipster geed friends that she hung out with and I stayed with my sisters. Now, her friends have deserted her, probably off doing some kind protest in like Africa about how Romney will destroy the universe, or whatever. So now she has me, and only me. My sisters have hypothesized that she had some amazing girl rush for her, because there is no way we would have bid her. Anyways, they avoid her like the plague. So long story short I’m normally a pretty accepting person and can fake like just about anybody, except her. I’m playing favorites and it’s dreadfully obvious!! What do I do if I genuinely cannot stand my little?!?!
Weird that these first two questions came the same week, but it’s only emphasizing my point. NOT every big/little pairing is perfect. It SUCKS that not everyone can find that but literally you have like four weeks or something to meet 50+ girls and find your child? It’s not as easy as it seems. And honestly, it’s FINE that you don’t have that connection with your first little, and it’s AMAZING that you found it with your new little. There’s no “right” way to go about the fact that she just wasn’t “the one” but she knows it just as well as you do that your relationship isn’t like that. And honestly, that’s how it goes with twins normally…there is usually a favorite OR, neither twin is close with the Big and they just become besties instead. Not always, but that’s often the case. You can’t feel bad about it…honestly, it sounds like the bad little is probably going to disafil at some point anyway if she’s not into it and no one likes her. Don’t feel guilty, it’s fine.
I dated this guy in high school and when we broke up, things ended pretty badly. He ended up dating my best friend and then they also had a really bad breakup. I almost lost my best friend over it because I felt betrayed but we finally settled things. But he claims he never got over me and I care for him much much more than I should. Well he stayed in my hometown and I’ve gone kind of far away and whenever I’m drunk or he is drunk we always end up texting about how much we miss and love each other. This weekend I came home and things got pretty serious. I was his first and I kind of feel guilty, like he deserved someone better for his first. At the moment everything seemed right but now I’m left wondering if it was a good decision. Also, If my friend found out, she would be devastated. I feel like I’ve gotten myself into a situation that is just bound to end badly. We haven’t talked since we hooked up so should I wait for him to text me? And what do I do about my friend?
Eeeeeeeek! Girlfriend, this is bad. First of all, don’t feel guilty about being his first, because that is a ridiculous thing. If he didn’t want it to be you, it wouldn’t have been. Guys don’t even care about magical first times as much as girls do. A lot lot of guys just lost their virginity to some rando and it was like not even a big deal. But as for everything else, you are in a bit of a pickle here. The literal only way to remedy this situation with your friend is to fess up and cease all contact with this boy, otherwise it will end your friendship. Something tells me you’re not going to do that because you think you’re in love with your future husband. You’re like probably 19 or something, so he’s probably not your husband, and continuing this is a BAD idea. You broke up once before, it ended badly, and then he dated your best friend…and then came back to you. Do NOT let your feelings for a guy who seems like a douche get in the way of your best friendship. You can save things with your girl by going all “John Tucker Must Die” on him and both of you hate him forever together. Seriously. That’s the only way.
So I lost my vCard to a frat boy last semester (big mistake) and afterwards we dated for a while. Because I go to such a small school there was a lot of drama involved and he screwed me over a few times but we always ended up back together. We didn’t really talk over the summer and when we got back to school he really upset me at a party which was when I decided that I was done with him. Buuuut that didn’t last too long cause he texted me and poured his heart out to me about a week later. He told me how much he missed me and how happy I made him when we were together and a million other things that I had always wanted him to say. We’re kind of talking again but it’s nothing serious at the moment and I don’t know where I want it to go… Am I being a complete idiot or am I ok just working on my friendship with him and seeing where things go?
Let’s use a little logic here. You said losing your virginity to him was a big mistake. You said he screwed you over a bunch of times and then you got back together. He screwed you over just recently…and now wants to get back together……….Sensing a pattern? It is natural to feel an attachment to the guy you gave your virginity to, but that doesn’t mean you should be with someone who isn’t good to you. And don’t fool yourself into thinking you can be his friend. You can’t. You’re not his friend, and you never were, what you two had was entirely different. Spending time with him will only foster feelings, and eventually lead to another hook up, which is exactly where you don’t want to be. I know how tough it is, but you really just need to cut him off.
Being a Sophomore I gained a rather large friendship with a specific fraternity on my campus. Ended up dating a member for most of my freshman year. So as is normal I backed and supported them 110%(and still do) I slowly became one of the guys. But coming into my sophomore year single, I began hooking up with a member from their rival frat. And now all my friends are asking whom exactly im hooking up with but im terrified that if they were to find out who its with they will completely disown me. I know that I have all my sisters but I dont want to lose my guy friends that I have had for so long. Should stop hooking up with my current guy or just be straight up with them?
Do you really think they would do that? Honestly, you know your boys, and I don’t, but generally guys aren’t as catty with that shit as girls are. Plus they probably just hate the fraternity as a whole, not necessarily individual members. I have sisters who lived with girls in our rival and it was fine, and I liked the individual girls. It’s your life and you can hook up with whomever you please, and I don’t think the guys will really care as much as you think, if at all. As long as you’re not trying to arrange inter-fraternal meet-and-greets, you should be fine.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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