Welcome back to Ask Hot Piece. Real advice from a neutral party about boys, besties, blackouts, and everything in between. E-mail me any time (tsm@grandex.co) and the columns will come out weekly.
There’s this girl I know I really want to be my little but I met her like the first week as being perspective big-little and we have another 3 weeks to go with different big-littles. I know we really like each other, but I don’t want to like “call her” or take time away from her perspective bigs. What should I do?
CALL HER. Take time away. This is your little, if you want her, you’re going to have to fight for her. Don’t let her forget you. Think about it like a boy. You don’t just think: oh, I’m going to leave him be for three weeks to meet other girls and see if he still wants to take me to his formal. HELL no. You stay fresh in his mind to the best of your ability. That’s not to say don’t try and meet your other potentials, you should, but if you really like this girl, you should be trying to spend as much time with her as possible. Happy Littling.
So it is Mom/Dot/Big/Little season at my house & I am freaking out. I am a junior and took a Twins last year, but sadly they both transferred leaving me Dot-less. To fill the gaping hole in my heart I am taking a new Dot this year! I am SUPER excited, but am afraid that none of our New Members will want me to be their Mom because I am old. I also have an amazing relationship with my Mom, we are pretty much inseparable. I am afraid that when I get my new Dot our relationship will not seem as special if we aren’t as close as my Mom and I are. (Which I know happens, because my Mom and I are the weird super close pair). It also doesn’t help that my Gma was my New Member Orientation Chair/Pledge Educator when I was a New Member, so we were freakishly close too. Everyone keeps telling me that it will all work out and that she will be the best Dot ever, but I can’t seem to get the negative thoughts out of my head.
Be on the lookout for sophomores. I don’t know if that’s common at all at your school, but at mine it was like really normal for sophomores to rush. Freshman-Junior pairing is a little bit harder, but it’s really not impossible at all. I bonded with plenty of girls who were two years younger than I was, and if you work to make your Little important to you, she can be. You might not be as close with her as you are with your Big, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a special bond all the same.
So, there’s a new member that everybody in the house ADORES, and she recently had a total bonding moment with my little and I. I would be totally thrilled to have her as my g-little, and my little loves her too! BUT I’m worried that she and I might have clicked really well and she would put me above my little on her Big List…. if this happens I would hate to hurt my little. What would you do in that situation?
I feel like I’m a little confused, but from what I’m gathering, it sounds like your chapter might do Big/Little more like fraternities where they just kind of rack their littles up, which I really don’t even understand how that works because then do some people not get a little? I really don’t even know. So sad. Anyway, my advice to you is to just not take a little. You have a little, you don’t need another. Do whatever you have to do to make her aware that you are not an option as her big. Take yourself off the list if you’re on one, and if you really do do it like the boys do, I’d just drop a line in front of her. “I reaaaallly hope no one puts me to be their Big” and you can say any reasoning as to why. You want to perserve the relationship between you and your little…and you’re ready for a grandchild, not more children. Which is honestly basically the trueth anyway.
So, I really don’t have any friends that are girls. Like, I have a few, but they’re all kind of distant friends, none that I could call like a sincere best friend. It’s not that I don’t like hanging out with girls, I do. I just have trouble reaching out to them for some reason. I think I probably come off as a whore to girls who don’t really know me since I really only hang out with guys, but that’s not how I am at all. What do I do?
I’m going to be honest…girls probably DEFINITELY think you’re a whore. I do believe it’s possible that you may not be, but I have some trouble relating to the guys’ girl, myself. I won’t judge a girl for being friends with guys, I think that’s great. And with my guy friends, like actually just friends who I’m comfortable with, I’ve been described as “bro-ey” which is a ridiculous thing, because I’m totally not at all bro-ey, I just don’t get all offended when they want to talk about boning some girl and in no way do I condemn their alcoholism (in fact I’d rather partake in it and worry about the repercussions in the morning never). Anyway, being able to be friends with a lot of guys is great, but it’s a tough task if you’re pretty because SO many girls really are just slutty attention whores and give a bad name to the rest of you. If you have a solid group of guy friends, and you’re the only girl, you’re going to have to make an effort to do things you don’t want to do when other girls are around. Like…pee together. Do not make a bitch pee by herself. That’s just like, the rules of feminism. And sit and chat…with the girls. I don’t know why the middle school phenomenon never goes away, but at every social gathering, it is such, that the girls and boys separate (unless you’re wasted and dancing and making out). When this separation happens, be with the girls. The girl who stays with the guys gets the scarlett S, because to everyone else it’s like…WHY wouldn’t you just sit with the girls unless you’re trying to impress the boys and have them be all about you. You may have to go out of your comfort zone, but it’s staying in your comfort zone that’s getting you branded.
I was in a long distance relationship all of my freshman year with a boy from home, about 5 hours away. This was my first ever serious relationship and it meant so much to me. Whenever I went to parties and bars I never even looked at other guys in that way. When I went home this past summer, things didn’t end up working out and we broke it off in what I thought was a mutual decision. Come to find out, I wasn’t ready for the break up and was still really attached to him and spent the rest of my summer looking forward to coming back to school and putting myself out there to find the perfect rebound. Now I’m a sophomore and experiencing college in a completely different way than I did last year. Going out and getting drunk is never sure to be a fun time because my main focus is on guys and when I don’t get attention and I’m drunk I get upset. It’s hard to focus on girl time anymore and my self-esteem goes up and down when I’m drunk. I realized that I had all the confidence in the world last year because I always had my boyfriend who was going to think I was pretty and whatnot no matter what. I’m pretty sure I’m over him personally, just not over the relationship, and getting used to being single at a party school is not easy. Also, just a side note, when I talk about getting attention from guys I don’t mean I want to hook-up with any guy that will talk to me. I still have standards and morals, I’m just out to meet someone that will help me bounce back. How do I change my mind set on being single and how do I control these emotions when I’m out?
You and I are cut from the same cloth. I had an almost identical experience, and it’s really tough, but it’s mature that you’re realizing it so early on. Unfortunately, there’s no “cure” for a break-up. It takes time. But I think you need to try and internalize it a little bit and like…(sorry this is about to be really really cliche)…be happy with yourself first. Let me tell you a little something. Guys still hit on you, you are still pretty. What you are wanting is affirmation of that every single night. That doesn’t happen every single night. I challenge you, my dear, to take a look around you at how many average-looking people there are in this world. Seriously. I assume all of your friends are pretty, so we have this like skewed scale of beauty because we think of pretty as average, but it’s not. I promise, you are coming out ahead, even if you don’t feel like it. Getting hit on is fun, obviously, but it shouldn’t make or break your night. You need to change your mindset before you leave for the night. A rebound is great, but it’s not the only way to get over someone. Seriously, celebrate the fact that you don’t have to check in with someone. Get too drunk one night and be excited that your boyfriend isn’t going to be mad. You can do WHATEVER you want, and that’s an amazing amazing thing about being single, and this is the only time in your whole life that you can do that. If you’re having trouble transitioning, do a wine night. Stay home with friends, and enjoy the drunken company of your sisters and it can remind you that you don’t need two seconds of attention from one guy to have a good time.
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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