Pumpkin spice lattes. Uggs. Guac. XL t-shirts with XS leggings. We know what it takes to make up the standard “basic bitch,” and depending on your mindset, you’ve either embraced the stereotype or run far away. If you thought you couldn’t get more basic than ordering a pumpkin spice latte in mid-August when it’s still triple digits outside, though, you would be wrong. The newest trend in basic attire has involved combining two basic cult favorite items into a super-basic explosion, leaving no doubt as to which side you’re on. Rose gold prosecco glitter? Check. Unicorn frappucinos? Been there, done that. Lilly printed Starbucks bottles? Check and check. Little did we know that the worst was yet to come. That’s right – you can now prove yourself as the most basic of them all with the ultimate mashup: avocado lattes.
If this sounds disgusting, well of course it does. The entire point of basic retail gimmicks is to create a seemingly disgusting product that millennials will pour into stores to order in droves so they can share it on Instagram and give the company free marketing. Obviously. There is some merit to the idea – for those of you who drink bulletproof coffee (again, ew), changing the fat in your latte from butter to avocado probably won’t make that big of a difference but for those of us who prefer our coffee with almond milk and sugar-free vanilla, I think I speak for all of us when I say this is the most disgusting creation on the planet. Truman Cafe in Melbourne first came up with the idea, but if you start to browse #avocadolatte on Instagram, you’ll quickly see that once every other coffee shop became aware of the avolatte media circus, dupes started popping up everywhere.
If you’re not planning a trip down under anytime soon, don’t worry, because if I know anything about social media marketing, it’s only a matter of days before this god-awful creation shows up at your nearest Starbucks. If you’re willing to throw down $8 and your pride for the Instagram likes your feed has been lacking since the unicorn frappucino, start lining up immediately, because it’s only a matter of time before you can get your hands on coffee poured into the shell of a hollowed out avocado that was definitely going to be thrown away. But you know what they say – one person’s used-up avocado shell is another girl’s ticket to triple-digit Instagram likes..
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RecruitmentChairTSM
RecruitmentChairTSM (@TheRecruitChair) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. This current grad student and ex-sorority girl survives solely on Diet Coke and the tears of the pledges she personally victimized. She's a Monica, a Marnie, a Miranda, and a Regina. Her favorite hobbies include drinking $14 bottles of wine and binge-watching season 2 of Grey's Anatomy until she cries. You can send her annoying e-mails at RecruitChairTSM@gmail.com
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