I notice him staring at me from across the bar. I can almost feel the glare of his eyes as he takes another up-and-down look at me, and I casually take another sip of my drink, as if I don’t even notice him eye-fucking me. Before he looks away, I turn around, look at him, look down, and look up at him again and smile.
He steps away from his group of friends and makes a beeline to my side of the bar. “Can I buy you a drink?” he says as I blush into my vodka tonic. Never one to turn down a free drink, I agreed, and we began what is perhaps my favorite part of picking a guy up at a bar: the first conversation.
I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’m great at introductions. It’s where I shine. I’ve conned parents, grandparents, and more importantly, hot guys I meet at bars into thinking I’m a good person instead of the garbage human I truly am at my core. Once you actually get to know me, it’s all downhill from there. I love introductions because unless you’re blatantly rude or mean, it’s pretty easy to make a good impression on someone. Smile. Look into their eyes. Nod your head while they’re talking to show that you’re actively listening. It’s a piece of cake.
With this guy, like all guys, I knew I had to turn it up a little. He said a joke and I smiled, but I also tucked my hair back behind my ear and looked down to give off that whole “coy” vibe. I touched his leg at the appropriate times and I even made him lean into me so I could whisper something in his ear. These are all incredibly direct ways to let a member of the opposite sex know that you picking up what he’s putting down.
What this poor soul didn’t know was that I had absolutely zero intentions of going home with him. In all honestly, I probably wouldn’t even give him my number. I was putting out that vibe, but I already knew I would never actually go through with it. Call me crazy, but I absolutely love being a tease.
Always leave him wanting more, right? That’s what being a tease is all about. I love the thrill of the chase more than the actual act of hooking up. It’s better than sex, and there’s a very simple reason why. After two people finish bumping uglies, things get weird. The magic is gone. Both parties (if the girl is lucky) have been completely satisfied and there is absolutely no reason for them to try and impress each other at all. Sure, there are a few lucky ones who completely succeed at the whole “first comes sex, then comes relationship” game, but for most of us, sex ends in an awkward goodbye.
That feeling of excitement you had when a cute guy came up to you a bar? That feeling is completely washed away after you go home with said guy and find out he’s a minute man, or worse, has a micropenis.
As a tease, you never get to that point. You might make out with him at a bar or in Uber ride back to campus, but you never let it get that stage of disappointment. That stage of sadness when you go home with a hot guy, sleep with him, give him your number, and he never texts you again because he already got want he wanted. You leave him wanting more, instead of the other way around.
Relationships of any kind are all about power: who has it and who wants it. Being a tease puts you in the position of power. He wants something that you have and he’s trying his absolute best to get it. He’s pulling out all the stops. Maybe you give in a little, give him a peck on the cheek when he asks for a kiss, but then you pull back. It’s a dance, except with less footwork and more mind games, and you’re the one taking the lead. Guys enjoy the game as much as girls do because all guys love the the thrill of the chase. Your mother was right when she said if it’s too easy, guys don’t want it.
In no way am I saying that girls who do sleep with guys are wrong or bad. I love sluts, they have the best stories and they make the best friends because while they may ditch you for a guy at the end of the night, they’ll never be the girls who ditch their friends for a boyfriend. I’m always an advocate for doing whatever you want to do as long as it’s not hurting anyone, I’m just saying that I personally find being a tease more enjoyable than sex.
And I don’t want to hear about how it’s wrong to be a tease. Just because you buy me a drink and say a few nice things to me doesn’t mean I owe you sex. Just because I get in the car with you because you said you don’t mind splitting an Uber with me (but you think you can convince me to just go to your place instead) doesn’t mean I owe you sex. Just because I kiss your neck or run my hands down your back doesn’t mean I owe you sex. Until I agree to have sex, I don’t have to do anything. Fuck your blue balls. We’re just two people swapping saliva and flirting.
And that’s exactly what me and Hot Guy From The Bar were doing when my friends pulled me away to tell me that we were moving on to the next bar, Rooftop. He asked for my number but instead I told him to just meet me at The Library, a bar across the street.
“But I thought we were going to Rooftop?” my girl friend asked, confused at what had just happened.
“Oh I know that, but he doesn’t need to,” I said to her, and we both had a nice little laugh about my little lie.
He watched me walk away, and just as I was at the doorway getting ready to leave, I turned around and gave him one last wave goodbye. I knew by the way he looked at me that he was picturing me naked in his bed at the end of the night.
Yup. Definitely better than sex..
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