Hide ya kids, hide ya wife, the tickle monster has come to life. No longer plagued by the Bambino or the Beard, residents of Boston are now being terrorized by a real life “Tickle Bandit,” who, according to Boston Police, has been breaking into college students’ homes in the middle of the night to watch them sleep or tickle their feet. The Tickler was long believed to be a myth among Boston College students living in the off campus neighborhoods of Allston and Brighton, but at least three students reported encountering him on the same night, April 7.
“Victims have described him as a 5 foot 8 black male of unknown age in dark clothing and a hoodie wearing a Gator-style ski mask,” according to Boston PD Community Service Officer, Sergeant Michael O’Hara. Boston College junior Daniel Marenzi recalled his account: “I thought my friend was just trying to annoy me, but I soon realized it wasn’t anyone I knew. [He] was standing at the end of the bed, but by the time I freaked out and sat up, he was already on the way out.”
Here’s what I’ll say in response to this. If someone broke into my house in the middle of the night, it would scare me shitless. It would probably leave me with some fucked up combination of OCD, PTSD, and severe social anxiety for the rest of my living days (bring on the Xanax). But, since this didn’t happen to me, I’m absolutely inclined to think it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Sorry, that’s just the way the world works. Some weird guy with a foot fetish wearing a ski mask sneaks into college bros’ houses to tickle their feet at 4 a.m.? There’s no way you can’t read that without cracking a half-smile. So a word of advice to all the BC students out there who’re legitimately scared of the Tickle Bandit: just lock your damn doors so you can start laughing your ass off like the rest of us.