What’s the only thing that could trump the life-changing miracle of childbirth? Wine, that’s what. Wine, the sweetest, most wonderful thing on Earth. If I had to choose between having a baby or cradling a bag of wine, I think I’d go with the latter. While both of them have beautiful smelling heads, cause you to wake up with massive headaches, and fill you with a radiant glow that makes everyone else jealous, only one of them truly gets better with age. Wine doesn’t go through the terrible twos or puberty, and it will never say that it hates you.

If you feel the way I feel and have ever felt the need to swaddle your wine close to your chest, the fine folks at Hammacher Schlemmer have a product for you: the Buffet Eater’s Wine Glass.

Good Lord, they’re Croakies for your wine glass. While the product is technically intended for people who want to eat at a buffet and still be able to have a full glass of wine, hands-free, I can think of a few better uses for it, including:

1. Holding your wine while you work out.
2. Keeping your hands free to double-fist hotdogs at a baseball game.
3. Holding your wine while rock-climbing.
4. Not having to choose between wine or a hand job.
5. Having both hands free to throw up in the air when you say, “I can’t even, I’m done.”
6. A hands-free way to smuggle wine into movie theaters.
7. Freedom to do the Macarena at weddings without spilling your wine.
8. Holding your wine glass close so it can feel your heart beat.
9. And, most importantly…being able to drink THREE GLASSES OF WINE AT ONCE.

This will no doubt revolutionize the way we drink wine. If only they’d invent one of those beer hats for wine, I’d never leave the house.

[via Hammacher Schlemmer]

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