Butt Contouring Is Now A Thing And We Should All Just Quit While We’re Ahead


One of my favorite things about going out on the weekends is the two hour process of transforming my face from a freckly bag of milk to a perfectly contoured mask of lies. Don’t be fooled, people – this bone structure cost me about $140.00 and a whole lot of faith. If you’re like me and you’ve perfected the flick of the wrist, grab your brushes and sponges, because butt contouring is now a thing. Cosmopolitan posted a how to video showing how to get a whole different kind of cheek highlight.

You might think this is going a bit too far, but think of the possibilities: Skip a week at the gym? No problem. Part of the long-bottom club? Grab some bronzer for an automatic perk.

Or maybe not. Worst case scenario, you sweat it all off in the bar and look like you have a skin problem. Or, when you sit down to take a break, you leave a beige assprint on the seat, giving yourself away and embarrassing yourself beyond belief. No worries. Just order another vodka soda lime and call it a loss.

[via Twitter]

Image via Shutterstock

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Big Heels Bigger Hair

Typical bitch. Lover of red wine. Perfecter of the side eye. I play Broadway show tunes out loud in the gym. My brunch order is Chicken & Waffles.

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