For those of you who were overcome with jealousy as those lucky “Laguna Beach” bitches got asked to prom with a combination of roses, doves, and possibly an acoustic guitar, you’re not alone. Come springtime, every upperclass girl dreams of being wooed like this. I mean, it’s a perfectly planned surprise that’s more romantic than the majority of proposals nowadays. However, this grand courting gesture–and even the process of asking at all–has become too much for the (cough) spineless (cough) boys at one California high school. Their solution: instead of asking a girl, draft her.
That’s right, junior and senior guys at Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, Calif., created a system where they select prom dates in an NFL-style draft. They rank female students and then select them from the favored pool. According to one student, the boys draw random numbers for the draft, but can purchase first-round picks if they are eager for a top selection. It is reported that this year, one junior paid $140 to get a high first-round pick so he could select a specific girl. “It’s awkward because he spent a large amount of money to go with someone he doesn’t talk to,” one student said. “And she finds it awkward that he chose her.”
According to the senior class Twitter account, the draft is set to take place tomorrow. Girls were encouraged to “dress nicely” today, as “many drafters will be on the prowl for #freeagents.”
In my opinion, this story is beyond I can’t even status. Listen, I’ll admit that I probably know less about the NFL drafting process than Tim Gunn as a Kindergartner, but I do know this: that draft is based on talent. This draft, on the other hand, is based on girls’ appearances (and probably their drunken BJ giving abilities if we’re being honest). I don’t care if you say, “It’s all just a fun way to decide who to take to prom and that it’s not, was never, and will never be used to objectify girls at the school.” There aren’t enough rooftops in the world you could shout that from to make me believe you.
What makes this situation so much more disappointing is that these boys actually think it’s okay to treat girls this way, that if a girl doesn’t act like Princeton Mom, then she’s unworthy of being asked to prom. I would contend the exact opposite. These boys must be very confused about the time we live in if they believe women are better represented as trading cards than actual people.
My final note to the boys at Corona del Mar High School who strongly agree with the draft process is this: Have fun with your solid 9.5 draft pick prom date you barely know. I wish you the best of luck not only in your attempt to get laid–ahem, lose your virginity–but also in finding a date to every one of your formals in college, as girls across America now know how undesirable you really are.