A lot of dudes out there are assholes. Some won’t text you after a hookup, and some will expect you to bend over backward for them — literally and figuratively — while giving you nothing in return. Way too many of them will be in consistent contact with you for an extended period of time, convince you it’s going somewhere so you’ll stick around for the woo tang, then act like you’re crazy when you let on that you thought you were going to be in an actual relationship. To them, it’s not a relationship. It’s simply a one-year stand. Shame on you for getting confused. The worst guys of them all, though, do some actual shady shit. A friend of mine once hooked up with a guy who pretended to put on a condom, then pulled out and surprised her with some good, old-fashioned, unprotected sex. Another guy I knew used to leave his laptop camera running before he left the house at night, so that he could videotape his conquest later without her knowledge. He’d then show the video of him boning the poor girl to his roommates the next day.
Literal piece of shit.
But at least he just did that to randos, and at least he only showed it to his roommates, and at least he wasn’t fucking 17-year-olds. Humphrey Khoza, 25, pulled a similar stunt with his own girlfriend. Without her knowledge or consent, Khoza filmed himself having sex with his teenage girlfriend on his laptop, and to make matters worse, the video was leaked on social media and went viral.
Khoza’s girlfriend did the only thing she could think to do. She called him a dog, asked how he could do such an evil thing to her, then poured battery acid in his lap and broke his penis. There ain’t nothing basic about that. Get it? Because it’s acidic? It’s a science joke, guys. Come on.
Doctors tell Khoza that his penis will never work again and that he’ll forever have to pee through a tube, and now he’s all “wahhhh, even if I press charges it is useless because it won’t bring back my manhood,” so it looks like she’s getting away with it, too. He allegedly has no idea how the video went from his laptop to viral social media content.
I think there’s a lesson here for all of us, and it has nothing to do with internet safety or how to properly handle chemicals. Ladies, if a guy is too old for you — the definition of “too old,” of course, changing after high school, and again after college — it doesn’t mean you’re mature and cool. Eight times out of 10, it means he’s a creep. Fellas, stop banging young girls, because teenagers are impulsive and crazy. The barely-legal vagine is not worth it if it’s the last of your life..
[via Metro]
Image via Shutterstock
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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