China Creates 1,863-Pound Pumpkin Pie; Plans To Lure White Girls Away From Home And Dominate America Once And For All

Have a case of the fall munchies? So do I, and so does every white girl in America. Fall feasting has become such an epidemic that I live in fear of walking into a Starbucks while the barista holds the empty gallon of syrup above his dreadlocked head, gives a shrug, and says those three words every girl lives in constant fear of: “Sorry, we’re out.” I get a sense of anxiety every time I walk down the baking aisle, and my heart races until I spy those little orange cans. If my pumpkin supply were to run out, I don’t know what I’d do–that is, until now.

Chefs in China, aware of the pumpkin craze sweeping the world, have teamed up to bake a 1,863-pound pumpkin pie. Holy. Shit. This is what my dreams are made of. Forty chefs combined their talents to create this wonderful masterpiece, just for the sake of pumpkin baking. I get you, China. There are some insane photos below of the creation of this dessert–chefs created an assembly line-style team to put the pie together, and they even had to enlist the help of bulldozers to make the treat, which measures FOUR METERS in diameter. I could literally go swimming in it. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it seems I’ve finally found something that would satisfy my pumpkin appetite this fall. Field trip, anyone?