Chris Christie Bans Tanning For New Jersey Minors

Remember “Tan Mom,” the white woman whose skin was literally brown from so much tanning, essentially the antithesis of Michael Jackson? She also brought her red-haired 6-year-old into the tanning bed (allegedly), but you basically didn’t care because you were distracted by how weird she was to look at? Well, as of late, she has really fucked things up for Jersey girls who are going to prom this year.

After much deliberation over the whole Tan Mom situation, New Jersey governor, Chris Christie has put a BAN on tanning in a bed for all minors under the age of 17. 17-year-olds need parental consent, which I think had always been a law for minors anyway, but I can’t say with conviction, because my mother not only consented but drove me to the salon before I was a licensed driver. He’s even extended the law to ban spray tanning for minors under the age of 14. That part just seems a little ridiculous to me. It’s like banning you from knitting while driving. No one is going to do that anyway. Plus, spray tanning is not even bad for you, unless you’re really breathing it in, and the nozzles go quickly enough that you can hold your breath while being sprayed. I’ve heard.

While I guess outlawing minors from entering a glorious, meditational bed filled with concentrated ultra-violet rays isn’t a horrible decision, my teenage self is appalled by this. As a high school student, every single day after school, post-locker flirting and Starbucks gossip, but pre-sushi run, after school care, and dance, I had 12 amazing minutes to myself, during which I soaked up the sun artificial light, listened to a pop radio station, and relaxed. If this had been taken from me, I would not have been a happy girl, and I’m fairly certain the New Jersey youth has a similar mindset. I don’t know much about politics, but I do know that these teenage girls, who will now be pale in their bathing suits, come summertime, will be voting in the next presidential election, and if Christie’s running, as rumors suggest he may be, he just lost himself the votes of some vain, young divas. I mean, it’s New Jersey.

[via New York Post]

Image via New York Daily News


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Veronica Ruckh

Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at

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