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Crafting For Dummies: DIY No-Carve Pumpkin Decorating

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I have a love-hate relationship with Halloween. I hate that I’m forced to spend money on stupid costumes and props I’ll only wear once, but I love theme parties more than life itself. I hate that I always end up eating my weight in Reese’s, but I love the J. Crew puffer vest I wear to cover up my newly-developed food baby. And lastly, I absolutely loathe pumpkin carving. But, I do love to decorate. Easy solution? Three easy DIY pumpkin decorating ideas that require no carving what. so. ever.

Craft: DIY No-Carve Pumpkins

Small Pumpkin Pinsipiration:

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Medium Pumpkin Pinsipiration:

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Large Pumpkin Pinsipiration:

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What You’ll Need:
1 baby pumpkin
1 medium pumpkin
1 large pumpkin
8 oz. bottle white acrylic paint
2 oz. bottle hot pink acrylic paint
8 oz. container of gold glitter
1 packet of leaf cutouts
3 different types of ribbon
1 bottle of rubber cement (or modge podge)

Total Cost: $50 for all three

Total Time: About one hour, excluding the time spent watching paint dry.

The Baby Pumpkin

Step 1: Paint The Base

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Mix the white acrylic paint together with the hot pink acrylic paint until you get the appropriate shade of pastel. You know you’ve reached the precise spot on the color wheel when your mixture looks like the backdrop of a Vineyard Vines photo shoot. Paint the baby pumpkin while holding it by the stem as you do so. Wait for the paint to fully dry before starting the second coat.

Step 2: Glitterize
While you’re waiting for the second coat to dry, pour the container of gold glitter into a bowl. The bowl should be deep enough that the stem won’t hit the bottom when you dip it in. If the second coat of paint is still not dry after this, do some crunches to pass the time. Once the baby pumpkin is dry and perfectly plastered in pastel, use the rubber cement to paint the stem with glue, and proceed to dip it into the bowl of glitter.

End Result:

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The Medium Pumpkin

Use a white colored pencil to trace along the equator line of the pumpkin. Paint the southern hemisphere with rubber cement. Use the same glitter bowl from the baby pumpkin and dip the medium pumpkin in so that the entire bottom is covered in glitter. I’d recommend placing the pumpkin on a plate after this—unless you plan on making the new pledges pick a shit ton of glitter out of a shag carpet, that is. After that, cut the three ribbons at equal length and tie a bow around the stem. Voi-motherfucking-là.

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End Result:

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The Big Pumpkin

Otherwise known as the faux crafter’s wet dream, the big pumpkin is the easiest of all three projects. First, paint the pumpkin white. Then, instead of doing crunches as you wait for the paint to dry, pour yourself a chilled apple cider or five (gotta keep with the fall theme here, ladies). Then paint another layer of white paint and repeat. After you become mildly intoxicated, apply the leaf cutouts using rubber cement. Being a tad inebriated will allow you to place the leaves in a cute-messy arrangement instead of OCD-ingly placing them all exactly one inch apart.

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End Result:

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Have some ideas you want me to try? Email me at drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com!

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Drunk but not in love

(@DrunkNOTinLove) is a die-hard Splenda addict who requires a constant supply of caffeine and male attention to make it through the day. After graduating with her degree in Economics, she now focuses her energy on adding a "Home" to her degree title by perfecting the "intelligent drunk," and conning a banker into marrying her one day. Originally from New England, she is a hardcore Boston sports fan, but only when boys are around. Almost all of her calories consumed Thursday - Saturday (and the occasional Tuesday) are from $7 bottles of Yellowtail Moscato, and in no way, shape, or form is she fazed by this. All forms of hate mail and date party inquiries can be sent to drunkbutnotinlove@gmail.com

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