The craziest crazy girlfriend move I’ve ever pulled in my life was fueled by alcohol, worry, and a little bit of anger. My boyfriend at the time had told me he was with a friend I hadn’t met yet, and when his phone died, I Facebook messaged the friend and asked if he could have my man call me. From where I was standing, it didn’t seem that bizarre. My boyfriend was missing. I knew he was with this person, so I contacted the friend to find him. Starting pretty much the second I sobered up, I realized that getting a Facebook message from some random girl who somehow found your profile as she was in desperate search of her boyfriend seems pretty damn batshit. I shudder at the memory. I still cannot believe I was capable, even drunkenly, of that type of lunacy.
Luckily, there are people out there like this 35-year-old California woman to make me feel better about the mistakes I’ve made.
Men and women are different. Women like to be in constant contact with both their boyfriends and their friends, and they enjoy the reassurance that comes with knowing they’ve connected with the people who are most important to them. Men are idiots who don’t get that. Sometimes, because of this disconnect, we’re forced to do things that may seem a little extreme to some. Our mothers did drivebys. Our big sisters called using *69 and hung up. And we Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram stalk our men and all of their friends to figure out what the fuck it is they’re doing. It’s crazy, but it’s a comfortable level of crazy.
However, there are also the women who take things too far. A 35-year-old California woman was recently the victim of a two-hour, 23 firefighter rescue mission in River County, because she was stuck, naked, in the chimney of what Narcity reports was her ex-boyfriend’s house. IN THE CHIMNEY.
There is a human out there, who, after most likely being ignored for an extended period of time, decided to strip down naked (because it’s easier to manipulate men with the use of sex), drive over to her ex-boyfriend’s house uninvited, climb onto his roof, and shimmy down the chimney. That is like the climbing Mount Everest of stalking. Considering it is at least a one-story drop in a tight space made of brick, the woman is lucky to be alive. Firefighters had to physically break open the chimney to rescue the woman, who was then sent to the hospital with “mild to moderate injuries.”
What confuses me the most, though, is what this woman was going to do once she got in. Would she slither up to his bedroom covered in soot? And after having been ignored via text message for what I’m assuming was days or weeks, be invited in for tea and a shack shirt? Is that really the best way to get a man back? Asking for myself..
Image via Facebook
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at [email protected]
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