There are things that exist in the world without any explanation. Stonehenge. Blackholes. G-spots. But one phenomenon that has never been able to be fully examined is the Sorority Squat. This pose involves bending your knees at a 45-degree angle while keeping your back straight and clavies popped.
Experts suggest that the origin of this stance was intended to allow for multiple rows of people could fit into one picture, and over time, sorority girls have evolved to squat at the sight of a camera, regardless of how many people are in the picture. Other studies suggest that the force of gravity given off by camera lenses affects sorority girls specifically. Some speculate that it has to do with the deformed anatomy of the calf from wearing heels excessively. The reason may be unknown, but one thing is for certain: we look dumb as shit.
Coupled with the “power point,” this pose is insufferable.
Generations before us did not suffer from this early onset arthritis that affects only our knees. It is hard to imagine a picture of our founders positioned in their circle skirts as if they are taking a shit on the ground under them. They stood tall like fully functioning females.
I think the reason so many of us do this pose is because of the idea that women are supposed to be small and tiny, unless they are a model, in which case they need to have a body akin to a sexy Gumby. Standing at 5’8”, I am taller than most of my friends, but I refuse to squat in my non-group pictures. I am not a model (read: I haven’t been discovered yet) and therefore I am expected to not intimidate others with my heights. My guy friends won’t talk to me when I wear heels because it emasculates them. My short friends look like adorable sprites, making me look like their big friendly giant counterpart. It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that squatting makes me look like I am the same height as everyone else. However, in any other context, I would look like Bambi on Ice. God forbid I squat in a short dress, which would put me in danger of a lip slip.
We don’t just squat when we are going out. We squat at Greek Week. We squat at tailgates. We squat at weddings. WEDDINGS.
A professional photographer, a person trained in the capturing of life’s greatest moments, allows a bride and her bridesmaids to back dat ass up and smile while a picture is taken. A picture that will be cherished for a lifetime, and it looks like Tonya Harding got to the entire bridal party just before it was taken.
Somehow sorority girls get away with not looking ridiculous, but any other type of person looks completely unnatural when in this pose.
This rickets induced, bow-legged, awkward, uncomfortable, and all around illogical pose has been a phase for too long. Squatting doesn’t make us look cute or fun; it makes us look like we’ve been holding our pee in for so long that we are seconds away from a gnarly UTI.
We need to take a stand. Literally. Just stand up in your pictures..
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