Today I was informed that the Super Bowl will be taking place this Sunday. Imagine my excitement, when I realized that the boy we mooch off of for HBO will no longer be too drunk preoccupied to have us over to watch Girls on Sunday evenings. I have hosted many a Super Bowl party, but it shouldn’t come as a shock that I don’t like football. When some girls were busy trying to figure out a way to make guys perceive them as “cool,” and decided that subjecting themselves to hour after agonizing hour of professional football was the way to do it, I was busy not giving a shit at Nordstrom. I find it absolutely disturbing that men feel the need to spend an entire day watching other men play with each other, but even more disturbing when girls have that need. I can understand watching a game, but being sedentary for hours, ingesting nothing but beer and Doritos is weird and gross to me.
Fortunately, the Super Bowl marks the end of this stupid season, and sometimes I end up watching a little bit of the game between commercials and the halftime performance. This year, the halftime performance is being headlined by the one and only Beyonce, whom I feel neutral toward. This is a clever ruse on the network’s part to gain viewership from the gay men in this country, who care neither about football, nor about impressing someone who cares about football. So, kudos to that PR person.
Beyonce, on her own, isn’t all that impressive or interesting to me. She’s been in the limelight her whole life, and managed to refrain from doing anything really juicy (besides leaving her best friends behind as she chased fame). What’s exciting, however, is that the whole Destiny’s Child gang is rumored to be getting back together for the halftime show. Allegedly, they will perform some of their old songs, possibly including Bills, Bills, Bills which solidified the notion, for me, at an early age, that it is perfectly acceptable to tell a guy “you and me are through” if you “don’t think he do” have the funds to pay your bills. Kelly Rowland has made no statement, but it may be because the other members of Destiny’s Child are being told to keep the event a secret. Michelle Williams was recently quoted saying she will be busy performing in a musical that no one cares about during the time. The producers of the musical have noted that Williams will not be performing in their production on the days leading up to, and including the Super Bowl.
She’s not that famous. I can’t imagine what else she could possibly be doing during this time that would make her miss work. Like any has-been starlet, if she wants to remember what it feels like to be “No, not Beyonce, one of the other ones” once more, she’ll be performing at Super Bowl 40-something this year. If not, I suppose Beyonce will be performing with backup singers and dancers, so it should be pretty much the exact same thing.
[via Huffington Post]
Image via Us Weekly
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Veronica Ruckh
Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) is the Director of Total Sorority Move for Grandex, Inc. After having spent her undergraduate years drinking $4 double LITs on a patio and drunk texting away potential suitors, she managed to graduate with an impressive GPA and an unimpressive engagement ring -- so unimpressive, in fact, some might say it's not there at all. Veronica has since been fulfilling her duties as "America's big," a title she gave to herself with the help of her giant ego. She has recently switched from vodka to wine on weekdays. Email her at veronica@grandex.co
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