Ditch Your Chris Brown And Find Your Drake


Last night Rihanna won the Video Vanguard Award at the MTV VMA’s. She performed four different times throughout the show and everyone couldn’t help but wonder, “Where is Drake?” Puff Daddy told the MTV world that Drake was stuck in traffic. We all had the same thoughts: “ALL MEN ARE THE FREAKIN SAME.” “THERE’S NOT ONE GOOD ONE LEFT.” “WHY ISN’T DRAKE SUPPORTING RIRI!?” “SHE IS TOO GOOD FOR HIM!!!!”

In case you’ve been living under a rock for the past three months, Drake and Rihanna are music’s hottest couple. They’ve collaborated on songs such as “Work” and “Too Good,” making bank together all the while being completely independent artists. So his initial MIA status during the 2016 VMA’s was very odd to us peasants.

But all the speculation about Drake being a terrible boyfriend(ish) came to a hault when he walked on stage and presented Rihanna her Vanguard award. He gushed over her for approximately four minutes and eight seconds. “She’s someone I’ve been in love with since I was 22 years old,” Drake said, while cheesing at the sight of Rihanna and giving her the heart eyes emoji rigorously.

But it hasn’t always been puppy love for Rihanna. We all remember her very public complications with singer Chris Brown. So let this be a testament to us all, to finally ditch your Chris Brown and find your Drake.

We’ve all been in unhealthy relationships; whether they’re physically, emotionally, or verbally abusive. It’s hard to get out of them. It’s hard to leave that “California King Bed,” but you can’t pretend you “Love The Way He Lies” any longer. Rihanna and Chris went on and off for years, proving that it’s hard to quit the habit of an unhealthy relationship.

Your Chris Brown will make you feel bad about yourself. He’ll tell you, “these hoes ain’t loyal,” and he’ll hit on other girls inconspicuously, i.e. “excuse me miss, I saw you from across the room…” He’ll tell you he can “Run It” but the only thing he could possibly run is his stupid mouth. He’ll treat you like shit until you hit the breaking point, when something happens that is so bad that you physically can’t be with him anymore, which is of course, what happened to Chris Breezy and Bad Gal Riri. It’s a hard cycle to break, but there is hope; Your “Jumpman” could come to your rescue at any second.

It took a long time for Rihanna to fall in to Drake’s arms. I get it. The Drakes of this world can initially seem kind of annoying. Call them clingy and sensitive, but somewhere down the line, their delicate charm will hopefully sneak up on you, resulting in your best relationship yet. Drake has mentioned multiple times that for some years, Rihanna wouldn’t give him the time of day. I get it. Make the guys wait for you, and all that good shit. Because if he’s serious, he’ll never give up, and that’s how you’ll know this is your Drake. Sooner or later, he’s gonna be Controlla-ing you in your bedroom and you’ll be telling all your friends, “Nothing Was The Same,” and it was “Fireworks.”

Ditch your Chris Brown. Tell him “I’m too good for you.” Locate your Drake and tell him, “ U da one that I dream about all day.” Find love in a hopeless place. Ask him, “Where have you been all my life?” Then maybe he’ll buy you some “Diamonds” and you’ll live happily ever after.

Image via Twocoms /

Email this to a friend


I like glitter, ok?

For More Photos and Videos

Latest podcasts

New Stories

Load More