Don’t Date Within The Friend Group


Remember “Friends”? They were the original squad goals. Every girl wanted to be Rachel, we all cracked up at Phoebe and Joey’s innocent charm, and the whole damn world lost their minds with envy and admiration when Monica and Chandler became a thing. Isn’t that kind of the dream? You have a set group of people that you hang out with virtually every day, and the man of your dreams just happens to be a member of that group. It’s convenient, but it’s also unlikely.

I’m not saying that it doesn’t work. I’m an advocate for people being buds and participating in each other’s social scenes before taking the DTR plunge, but when you are a member of a tight-knit friend group, it’s a recipe for disaster. In reality, the relationships are bound for the iconic Rachel and Ross’s “we were on a break” predicament.

I’m very fortunate to be part of one of these friend groups: much like the Central Perk crew we all fell together in multiple ways: some of us grew up together, some of us are in the same sororities, etc. On top of that, we live right around the corner from each other: all of the girls are in the same apartment building, most of the boys in another. We party together, go out to eat, hang by the pool, all that jazz. It’s great to have a mix of people to go through the highs and lows of college with. Even though we all have our own thing going on, it’s nice to have a home group to come back to.

Of course, when you put a bunch of horny college kids together, crushes develop. People hook up in secret, until the entire group eventually finds out and has to pretend that it’s totally fine, even if it’s not. They date for a while. Things don’t go as planned, and their relationship ends. Sure, some toes were stepped on. Breakups are never fun for either party. As much as the once-couple says they could remain friends and they swore up and down that “things wouldn’t be weird,” they are.

Things start going downhill quickly when someone forgets to add someone to a Facebook party event and the other bitches about it. Someone sees the other flirting in a bar. Someone receives Snapchats of body shots on randos.

Pretty soon it starts to get complicated. Weekend plans being rearranged to avoid any “awkward” encounters. Feelings get hurt over friends “taking sides”. Shade gets thrown in the group message. It’s not fun for anyone involved, both of you are probably (i.e. definitely) overthinking every little scenario, and making everyone else feel hella awkward.

Take my advice: unless you’re sure this is it, that this dude is in fact “The One”: don’t date within friend group. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and no fishy is worth putting strains on friendships.

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Big Heels Bigger Hair

Typical bitch. Lover of red wine. Perfecter of the side eye. I play Broadway show tunes out loud in the gym. My brunch order is Chicken & Waffles.

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