In the haze of throwing tequila shots down my esophagus while in a cringe-worthy frat bathroom because I needed to flip my shirt for some unclear reason, I had an epiphany: girls are fucking idiots. Like we are all psychotic, egotistic, judgmental boners. “She’s such a slut,” is our go-to line when we want to hate a bitch we don’t even know for posting a picture with Tommy. Like WTF? Just because she is dressed slutty for a hoedown themed party doesn’t mean she is an actual hoe. You don’t know her life. You don’t know her Starbucks order. You don’t know what kind of hazing she’s been through. We want to hate girls whenever they are getting, or have received the attention from the guys we like. I am a victim of this hate crime. I had sex with a guy, Bryan, over a year ago and now that my “friend” likes him, she’s suddenly a cunt to me.
The little shit wouldn’t even hold my hair back as I was puking my guts up in that germ-infested frat restroom. “Why was she even in there with you?” you may ask me. Because girls are fucking ass hats when they are jealous of their friends and want to silently hold a grudge for no apparent reason. She followed me and a few other gal pals dressed in togas to finish off some shots. Yes. I fucked Bryan. And yes. It happened more than once. When she does finally bone him, she will figure out he doesn’t even have a big enough cock to make such a huge deal about.
Am I a slut for banging a hot guy with a mediocre penis? Hell no. Is she in the wrong for throwing a bitch fit because Bryan and I have a past? Fuck yeah she is. What is even more pathetic is that she isn’t the first asswipe that has shunned me because I got freaky with a guy that she has a crush on prior to the two becoming a thing. It’s even funnier when I know the dude doesn’t like whichever pissed-off bitch back. So what? I like sex. So does 95% of the college population that aren’t Amish virgins. Now the majority of the guys that my “friends” hate me for fucking are actually usually jerkoffs that would ghost them regardless. So basically treating me like a social pariah was all a waste of their time. Karma is a biatch.
Quit acting like a tampon and realize that unless your man friend is a virgin, he has *gasp* smashed other girls. And it is very possible that he has boned one or more of your friends or sisters. For those of you who live under a rock, the term “frat rat” refers to a girl who is a fraternity groupie and is likely to have fucked multiple of the brothers. NEWSFLASH: “sorority authority” refers to dudes who practically own the sorority because they’ve banged so many sisters. If the guy you like falls under this category, don’t hate the girls who he’s hopped into bed with. And for fuck’s sake, don’t hate him either. He can’t help it his shaft likes checking out the same sorority for new bait.
The only person who you should be mad at is yourself for being a jealous little jizzface. Accept that your boy crush has a sexual past and sometimes you are going to get sloppy seconds, or thirds, or eighths. It’s the circle of college life..
Nice Move218
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Kellie Stritz
Kellie, spelled with an "ie," practically resides at Starbucks even though they have yet to spell her name correctly. She's obsessed with the color pink, Elle Woods, and Bitmoji's. Her biggest accomplishment is breaking the record within her sorority for how many standards hearings she has had without getting kicked out. She spends her free time trying to stay tan (i.e. sunburnt) and stalking people on social media.
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