Oh, sex ed. The place where we learned about the birds, the bees, and the fact that our vaginas can literally fall out of our bodies. JK on the last one. No one fucking warned me about that (even though it’s 100 percent true). Unfortunately, that’s not the only area where sexual education classes were lacking. With the kids twittering, snapsexting, and sliding into everyone’s DMs, classes were a little outdated.
Except, LOL, that’s not what the class is about. Don’t pack your bags and move to not-quite-America yet. In a press conference, the Ontario province education minister, Liz Sandals, gave a breakdown of what exactly they’ll teach these rugrats.
Basically, it starts in first grade, where students learn about the dangers of being online. They’ll be enlightened on things such as bad people on the internet, that the whole “To Catch a Predator” thing exists and is a really great show, and “how to get help for themselves or others if harassment or abuse happens.”
After that, as the hips start forming and the balls start dropping, things will get a little hairier (yeah, that was a pubic hair pun). The Canadian press went on to say:
Students in Grades 4 and up will learn more about using technology to support learning and improved communication, and about the dangers of online bullying. That would subsequently include more instruction on the “risks of sexting” and exploring “possible legal, social and emotional implications of sending sexually explicit digital images online.
While it’s not the sexting class I was looking forward to taking, it’s an important one, nevertheless. In addition to naughty pictures, the students will learn about homosexuality, same-sex marriage, and masturbation. God bless the education system. But, like, while they’re at it, if Canada wants to make a curriculum for college girls about sexting highlighting the following points, that would be great.
1. How dark is too dark? Proper lighting and how to hide as much of your body as possible.
2. A+ responses to the hardest, longest, grossest questions. Wait…you want me to put my what where?
3. Chin angles and you: How to befriend your jawline. To double chin or to not double chin. That is the question.
Thanks in advance. And hey, maybe if these tweens stop taking off their training bras and Snapchatting pics, we can finally put sexting back where it belongs: In the hands of drunk college girls who are feeling lonely at 2 a.m..