Everything You Need To Say To Your Best Friend So She Knows You Love Her

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When that lucky day comes around and we finally find a man who’s ballsy/crazy/smart enough to marry us, we’ll have to write out long promises that we vow to do for each other. I’m sure you’ve all heard about vows–I mean, they’re only the most important part of the wedding. (Except for, of course, your wedding dress. You have to look hot when all eyes are on you.) I’ve always found it weird that the only relationship to exchange vows is that of the husband and wife. Why don’t we ever have a vow exchange between mother and daughter, or, more importantly, best friends? There definitely are vows between best friends, but they’re just understood and almost never said aloud, which I personally think is awesome. No other relationship comes as naturally and is universally just understood like having a BFF. The total list of vows between BFFs could probably reach to the moon and back, but if we were to write them down, they’d probably look like this.

As your best friend, I vow to:

  1. Never turn down a Chipotle, happy hour, or fro-yo trip.
  2. Cover for you when your mom calls you during the worst hangover you’ve ever had.
  3. Listen to your senior seminar speech for the 800th time to make sure it’s perfect.
  4. Flirt with the unfortunate looking brother so you can have some time with the hot fraternity guy.
  5. Save every embarrassing Snapchat selfie you send me.
  6. …and make some of them my #WCW…
  7. …but mostly save them for your wedding slideshow.
  8. Let you know that yes, that dress does kind of make you look fat.
  9. Style your hair when you’re freaking out about a big date or engagement.
  10. Be your lesbian lover when a creepy guy hits on you at a bar.
  11. Never let you stand by yourself awkwardly at a party for longer than three minutes.
  12. Drive you to the emergency room and stay with you until they finally discharge you, even if it’s 3 a.m.
  13. Sample all of your cooking, hits and misses.
  14. Listen to you rant about whatever is pissing you off, even if I’ve heard it 3,000 times.
  15. Never judge you for using your chest as a plate for your chips.
  16. Bust you out of jail.
  17. …if I’m not already sitting next to you in the cell.
  18. Call you out for asking “Wait, how many quarters are in football?”
  19. And make fun of you for it for weeks.
  20. But it’s okay, because you’ll just make fun of me back.
  21. Dry your tears when he breaks your heart.
  22. And be genuinely excited when you love again.
  23. And be 100 percent honest if he’s a fucking idiot.
  24. Paint your right hand (or left hand, if you’re left handed).
  25. Always take your side in every fight, even if you’re wrong.
  26. (But I’ll explain why you might not be right at a later time–never in front of a nemesis.)
  27. Snuggle with you and watch “Grey’s Anatomy” until 3 a.m.
  28. Never force a conversation with you, because silence can be just as fulfilling as words.
  29. Accept that my closet is your closet, and vice versa.
  30. Be by your side through every wedding, funeral, and other life event when you’ll need me.
  31. Never let an argument fester for longer than 30 minutes.
  32. But mostly, tackle this crazy adventure called life with you one day at a time, together.

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Hakuna Moscato

Hakuna Moscato (@HakunaMoscato) is a contributing writer for Total Sorority Move. and Post Grad Problems. A born and raised Maryland girl, she's obsessed with the Baltimore Ravens, Old Bay, and anything that has the Maryland flag pattern on it. She's a newly retired student-athlete and sorority girl, but not quite ready to call herself an adult, especially since she still has to be carried out of bars. With a Long Island in hand, she's ready for whatever life is throwing her way. Maybe.

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