Columns

Fail Friday: Cyclists Suck

Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

The only time I ever thought about suicide was during recruitment week. TSM.
–Alabama

Think again.

Biking to the house in a pencil skirt and heels before chapter. TSM.
–California

Cyclists shouldn’t exist. Cyclists in heels definitely shouldn’t exist.

Mulan’s general attitude towards defeating the huns. It’s a TSM.
–Devry

Mulan would not be my token Asian.

Clapping so hard during recruitment that you pop up blood vessel in your hand. TSM
–Texas

That seems more like a creepy, neck-vein-popping, “JOIN MY SORORITY” vibe than is typically practiced during recruitment.

The copy of the Constitution that I keep in my purse has glitter on it. TSM.
–New York

What about the pocket Declaration of Independence? And Bible? Glittery too?

Refusing to wear blue until the election is over. TSM.
–Idaho

That seems a little excessive maybe.

Going from wearing all your favorite letters to all your favorite fraternity shirts as soon as women’s recruitment is over. TSM.
–Indiana

As long as you keep it classy for Recruitment, that’s all that matters.

Making rush boobs in hopes of becoming sweetheart. TSM.
–South Carolina

“This is our Sweetheart, Suzy. Here’s a picture of her tits.”

Beauty fades, but bitch is forever. TSM.
–Oklahoma

Not if you have a good plastic surgeon.

Being hot enough to be this crazy. TSM.
–Kentucky

Did someone tell you that, or you’re just assuming?

I like your soffees

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