Fail Friday: Sorostitute

Ten real TSM submissions and one video that didn’t seem quite right. Names were omitted to protect the guilty.

Completed shacking at each frat house and earned major panhellinic points. TSM.

Do they put that in the recruitment brochure?

Thanking each person who posts happy birthday on your Facebook wall individually. TSM.

Sounds like you had a really fun birthday.

When your graduated big comes back and talks about how much she masturbates now that she’s living at home and your only response is “she’s baaaaaaack.” TSM.

What a good role model.

Tossing salads and tossing salads. TSM.

You really do it all, don’t you?

I’m slam 1, because every time he cheats on his girlfriends, he cheats with me. TSM.

Totes his favorite mistress.

Ideas on killing myself from being away from my sisters this summer. TSM.

Why don’t you try one out! Good luck!

Having to steal your shack shirts back from your Daddy’s closet after your Mom does laundry because your Daddy and Frat-Daddy have the same impeccable taste. TSM.
–New Mexico

Girls with the Daddy Issues that make them want to bang their dad are way more interesting to me than the girls whose Daddy Issues mean they want to bang everyone.

Yelling YOLO While I lose my virginity in a fraternity bathroom. TSM.

You have officially ensured that the first time you had sex will also be the last.

Not being able to remember the last time you had a sober first kiss with a guy. TSM

There was either a locker behind you or a PG-13 movie in front of you. You can do this. You can remember.

When your friends and family keep a calendar of your periods because your PMS bitchfits are just THAT intolerable and they need to know when it’s coming.

Well, you should seek therapy. Also, I hope you’re extremely beautiful.

No sorority girl would wear hoop earrings.

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