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Fail Friday: The Answer is Passive Aggression, Not Violence

If your boyfriend has the same last initial as you, you have a 1 in 26 chance of getting married. That’s because your monogram won’t change. TSM.
–Florida

There is a 1 in 26 chance of you dying alone, a 1 in 26 chance of someone robbing you and convincing you they are Santa Claus, and a 100% chance that you don’t know how fractions work.

Inviting two men up to bed because i forgot the third was already there – TSM
–Washington

Two’s company, three’s a crowd, you’re a slut.

Hacking the university’s computer system to change your big’s transcripts so she can’t graduate. TSM.
–Michigan

Your Big doesn’t think it’s weird that you have a shrine of her hidden somewhere in your room made out of her used Kleenex and stray hairs?

Rock, Pape Scissoring a sister at the bar to see which one gets to hook up with the cute guy #tsm
–Texas

I just can’t help but focus my attention on the fact that you said “scissoring a sister.”

Mom just found a Smirnoff ice that i hid at a party I had 3 months ago over the holidays. She then got on one knee and downed it.
–New York

Sounds like your mom is as wild as your party was.

Always letting my fratdaddy get jizz all over my face. TSM
–Florida

If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

Eating an entire pan of Jello Shots your sisters made to get back at them for leaving you at the party. TSM.
–South Dakota

The fact that you’re the type of person to shovel jiggly substances into your mouth alone in the corner of a room probably has nothing to do with the fact that they left you in the first place.

Oh sweetie, you may have been added to the roster, but I will forever be slam #1. TSM.
–Arizona

Oh sweetie, if you were the forever type, you would be his girlfriend.

Sleeping with the most-hated brother in order to snag a date to the biggest date dash of the year, only to find out that he already has a date the next morning. TSM
-Washington

Better luck next year.

Talking about starting a family with your pledge sister since you can’t get boyfriends. And having all daughters, of course, so they will be legacies! TSM.
–Nebraska

You will give them the BEST motherly advice: “Not everyone can convince a man to love them. That’s why God invented lesbians!”

I’m going to start doing this

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