Falling For A New Guy Has Ruined My Sleep Schedule

Falling For A New Guy Has Ruined My Sleep Schedule

What do I love most in this world? Is it love and affection? Is it a great priced happy hour? Is it when my parents feel bad for me and pay my credit card debt from said happy hour? Is it unbelievable sex with men I actually find remotely attractive? While it is true that all these things are some of the finer things in life, there is one facet of our journey throughout creation that nothing else can top. Sleep.

Sleeping is the greatest thing in the world. You pretty much die for 8-10-12 hours at a time. You don’t have to deal with your bullshit assignment that’s due next week, don’t have to deal with paying bills, or being too fat from not being able to say no to alcohol. You don’t have to deal with that guy that’s not hot enough for you ignoring your texts. You can escape every single one of life’s problems all by just popping some NyQuill at 2:00 pm and passing the fuck out.

I say all that to say this. I recently met a new boy. A boy who’s taller than me (because… first and foremost: duh). A tall, dark, and handsome boy. A boy who I genuinely enjoy talking to. A boy who seems to genuinely enjoy talking to me, too. And he is absolutely destroying my sleep schedule.

You know what it’s like. You just get carried away in conversation and sexting that the next thing you know, it’s 3:00 am and you are still talking to this dude via text, Snapchat, and Internet memes all at the same time. It’s exciting and it’s new. It’s refreshing and it makes you nervous. And it also makes you really fucking tired the next day. It’s insane to think about the lengths we go to make sure that we respond to that text even though we could pass out standing up with every light on and a full marching band playing Bohemian Rhapsody outside our window. We put our phone right next to our faces, put the volume on loud, and turn the brightness all the way up to make sure we don’t miss that stupid text. And if we do miss the text, we wake up in the middle of the night and answer the text, half asleep, and make full blown asses out of ourselves because we can’t open our eyes all the way to realize we are typing “anal” instead of “a nap.” Send.

You wake up multiple times throughout the night to check and see if he responded. Which, he hasn’t, because he isn’t a psychopath, and when he goes to sleep, he goes to sleep. Then once the sun rises and you can actually see your cell phone screen clearly, you cringe at the sentence you thought read:

“I was smelling my shirt from yesterday 🙂 it smells like you.”

To really say:

“I was smelling my shit from yesterday 🙂 it smells like you.”

And that’s just while the boy is away. It’s even worse when you have sleepovers, because sexual tension is real and you already told him (last night, at 1 am, when you were fighting off sleep deprivation) that you spell guys names with your hips when you are riding them. There is no sleep in a sleepover with your new guy. Hands are constantly moving, you are flipping your hair around to make sure he can smell the sex seeping out of your pores when you are laying next to him, you’re twitching to make sure that they don’t fall asleep and then he responds with a corresponding twitch. Until 4:00 am hits and THEN you decide to have sex.

So while new flirtationships and relationships are fun, there is no denying that they take a lot out of you, like energy that you normally get from sleeping. So make sure that you are honest with yourself, and new boo, when figuring out if you can really do this. Can you really make that commitment? And no, I’m not talking about being committed to not sleeping with anyone else. I’m talking about being committed to only getting six hours of sleep when you are used to getting a solid nine.

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