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Family Vacation – Total Sorority Nightmare?

The annual family vacation is a double-edged sword. Is it awesome having a vacation home on the water? Yes. Are you desperate to get out of the cold and into a bikini? Absolutely. Will you look a million times hotter (if that’s even possible) with your new tan? Obvs. But family vacations can be problematic when your mother doesn’t exactly approve of you getting smashed off frozen margs before Noon or sneaking off to the restaurant bar right after sitting down to dinner for a couple of appetizer shots. Throw in an unfortunate lack of siblings/cousins who are of legal drinking age and your only option is to exhibit extraordinary self-restraint or shamefully troll the bars at night alone, trying not to wake Grandma while she sleeps on the couch when you stumble in circa 2 am. Thankfully because you’re blackout drunk and she has an early form of Alzheimer’s neither of you will remember the awkward interaction. The family vacation is not always a such a vacation and I’ve compiled a list of some of the pros and cons to consider. Hopefully your trip will be bearable, but not to worry, in a few short weeks you’ll be back to the REAL vacation- college.

PRO- Quality time with the family.
Since you’re super busy and rarely home, spending time with them can actually be really nice sometimes. Go fishing with Grandpa and Daddy so you can impress boys back home. Go shopping with Mom and Grandma (who will obviously foot the bill). Grandparents usually have really amazing stories too, when you take time to sit down and listen. You’ll probably learn stuff you never knew, and be really proud of where you came from.

CON- …quality time with the family. God, is your moms voice always that fucking annoying!? If she tells me to reapply my sunscreen one more time…YES GRANDMA, I’M OVER HERE! TURN UP THE HEARING AID! No, little brother, I will not do cannonballs in the pool with you after I just reapplied my tanning oil. GTF away from me(*insert headphones*)

PRO- A weird phenomenon that I’ve noticed over the years is that guys hit on you exponentially more frequently while you’re alone and sober than out wasted with your girls surrounding you. During a family vacation this could work to your advantage. But if you do stop by the beach/hotel bar please be casual. This is not the time or the place for some girls gone wild shit…save that for spring break.

CON- If you’re gonna get it in, you’re gonna have to get creative. Sure, inviting him back to your beach house for a steamy hook up sesh in your outdoor shower sounds hot, but your 9 year-old cousin banging on the door asking why she sees four feet is probably going to be a boner killer…and also grounds for eternal shame and embarrassment with your family. I’d suggest instead waiting until everyone’s asleep and doing it on the beach…which trust me is less romantic than it seems. The other bad thing about vacation romance is that it ends. I have literally met a guy on vacation, totally fallen for him over the course of a week or two, only to fly home to opposite ends of the country and never see each other again, no matter how many late night phone calls ensue and promises to visit are made. It sucks. Like, really sucks.

PRO- For once, you get to do absolutely NOTHING. No recruitment workshops. No tests to study for or papers to write. No dealing with your annoying legacy housemate or passive-aggressive e-mails from Exec board. Any fratdaddy drama is hundreds of miles away. You don’t even need to think about it, and you don’t need to set your ALARM in the morning! Heaven.

CON- After a few days, you’re bored of the nothing. Sorority girls are like caffeine-fueled crackheads who balance school, relationships and social lives with unnatural efficiency and smiles plastered on our faces 24/7. Our insanely busy schedules are meticulously penciled in our Lilly planners, and going too long without a routine can make us anxious.

Either way, soak up the sun, soak up the drinks and enjoy your vaca because it will be over before you know it.

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