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Formal Dates 101

Very few things are better than fraternity formal season. What girl doesn’t want to be whisked away for a weekend trip to some beautiful location with free-flowing booze and all expenses paid, in the arms of a frat-star? That was a rhetorical question, obviously, but I can’t even think of a LESBIAN or GDI who wouldn’t have fun at these things. We’re all familiar with how a formal goes down when your date is your long-term boyfriend, pseudo-boyfriend or at least slam of the semester, but what about when it’s not? When you get an invite from just a friend, or are offered as a set-up by a loving sister, do you accept? Being that a frat formal beats being on campus any day, the obvious answer is yes, but there are a few scenarios/guidelines you should think through beforehand…

If he’s “just a friend…..”

There are a few reasons why your guy friend wouldn’t have a “real” date. Maybe his slam was unavailable that weekend or he has a girlfriend that goes to a different school and has finals. Regardless, going to formal with him is going to be the ultimate test of whether a girl and a guy can ACTUALLY just be friends. Being that there is a 1,000% chance of you looking gorgeous in your dress and an even higher chance that you two will be sharing a bed, things can get real tricky real fast. One minute he’s that dorky friend from your freshman year dorm, the next minute you’re going shot for shot with tequila, and before you know it you’re coming out of your blackout, MO’ing in aforementioned bed. Still salvageable. If he’s not too blackout and/or he really DOES respect your friendship and/or the girl who is geographically elsewhere, it won’t go any further. But if not, then it might. This is fine if graduation is coming up, or if you give zero fucks about actually having a friendship when you get back to campus, but consider this “friendship” tarnished. Now he’s just somebody that you used to know (or MO, or blow…Oh.)

If he’s a set-up…

Being set-up is fairly common, usually with someone in your brother frat and to a formal that a lot of your sisters are going to. It can go one of two ways, which I have neatly categorized into AWESOME and …AWKWARD. When it’s awesome, you’re set up with a dashingly handsome, chivalrous guy who seems perfect for you. If he’s so perfect, why doesn’t he have a real date? WHO CARES! (You’ll later find out that he’s a charming asshole who was left dateless from dicking over his last 6 slams and will do the same to you after a romantic weekend, but for now, WHO CARES!) Let him buy all your drinks, dutifully serve as his arm candy, and if you really hit it off, just enjoy the moment! Obviously, in the throes of passion you’ll be tempted to sleep with him (and by sleep with him I mean have sex with him, because you’ll literally be sleeping with him regardless) but DON’T. Don’t think for a second that the frat won’t get back to campus and play a little game of “did she or didn’t she” with everyone’s date at chapter. If there’s potential for a fling or something more long-term, he can wait till you’re back on campus. If you’re that good, he can even wait till next semester.

Now we’re left with the awkward set-up, where you agree to tag along with a bunch of your sisters and are paired with a guy that is just not that good-looking, and that you’re just not at all into (note that I don’t include the scenario in which he’s not into you. You’re hot, and that’s impossible). So now what? You have to suck it up. As his date you’re pretty much obligated to at the very least tolerate him. Do the minimum amount of fawning, tell him he looks handsome, and then get really, really drunk. And after last call? You get in bed with one of your sisters whose in the same boat. And if you are forced into the same bed? You “pass out” IMMEDIATELY and face the other way. This is a situation in which a loud, obnoxious and disgusting fake snore can really do wonders. Wake up in the morning and act totally casual, something along the lines of “omg last night was sooo fun, I think I blacked out like I don’t even remember coming home!” Then, GTFO. The akwardness will pass, and hey, at least you had a fun night with your sisters, got free drinks and potentially even have a new profile picture (which your fugly date must immediately be cropped out of, of course).

Oh, and the deal breakers? If he pukes, gets way too handsey in public, or makes you uncomfortable in any way, you have permission to bail. You accepted an invitation to be his date, not his babysitter. Effffffffffff that.

So, cheers, and I sincerely hope your formal is anything but formal! Happy drinking!

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